IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The grwoth of online shopping will one day Lead to all shops in towns and cities closing.Do you agree or disagree?

#grwoth #shops #towns #cities
All of the markets
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in towns and cities will eventually be closed
due to
 the growth of online shopping. In my opinion, many
shops
 in urban areas will be closed but not all of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. On the one hand,
shops
 will remain open
due to
 many factors.
Firstly
, the time of delivery can not be an issue in buying from
shops
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 located in cities. Unlike online
shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
, where the customer
wait
Change the verb form
waits
show examples
 at least one week to get the
products
 they bought.
Secondly
, the ability to try the
products
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 clothing. Many users of online shopping
complains
Change the verb form
complain
show examples
 about the size that they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
. Personally, I only buy clothes from
shops
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 near to me.
On the other hand
, the
cost
 of online
products
 will always be cheaper than the
products
 in
shops
. To illustrate, the online
products
 will not be affected by the
cost
 of the building bills,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 includes many bills
such
 as electricity and even the
cost
 of the building itself. Online
shops
also
 have to buy the storage building,
However
, that does not
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the price of the
products
 since the bills can be paid with the price of the delivery. I believe that the
cost
 of the items is the main feature of online shopping. In the end,
shops
remain
Correct your spelling
retain
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 power from many factors,
such
 as the time of getting the item and the ability to try the
products
.
However
, online
products
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
cheaper than the
products
 of
shops
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 located in urban areas.
Submitted by ibrakh80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides a brief outline of your essay. Likewise, the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
task achievement
Support the main points in your essay with specific examples and evidence. This could include statistics, studies, or personal experiences.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more precise and varied words and phrases. This will help to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure accurate and varied language use. Proofread your essay carefully to correct any errors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: