IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
It is argued that governments should levy a tariff on
junk
food
 because the
health
 risks associated with consuming
this
 kind of
food
 are rising.
This
 essay agrees that a higher rate of tax should be paid by fast-
food
 companies.
Firstly
, alcohol and tobacco companies already pay higher
taxes
;
secondly
, higher
taxes
 could raise prices and lower consumption. Higher excise on liqueur and cigarettes has proven to curb the harm caused by these substances.
This
 revenue has been used to treat
health
 problems associated with these products and has proven useful in advertising campaigns warning
people
 about the dangers of alcohol and tobacco abuse. Tax from fast
food
 could be used in the same way. The United Kingdom is a prime example, where money from smokers is used to treat lung cancer and heart disease
while
 at the same time, pumped into
health
 campaigns in schools to warn children about the dangers of smoking. Increasing
taxes
 would raise prices and lower consumption. Fast
food
 companies would pass on these
taxes
 to consumers in the form of higher prices, leading to
people
 not being able to afford
junk
food
 because it is too expensive.
Junk
food
 would soon become a luxury item, and it would only be consumed occasionally, which would be less harmful to the general public’s
health
.
For instance
, the cost of organic
food
 has proven prohibitively expensive for most
people
, and
that is
 why only a small percentage of the population buys it regularly. In conclusion,
junk
food
 should be taxed at a higher rate because of the good precedent set by alcohol and tobacco and the fact that the increased cost should reduce the number of fast
foodfood
Correct your spelling
food foods
people
 buy.
Submitted by asifiqbal1264 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the given task and presents a clear argument in favor of higher taxes on junk food. You could further strengthen your task achievement score by providing a counterargument and refutation.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is clear, and the introduction and conclusion are present. To improve, make sure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and that your supporting points are well-developed.
lexical resource
Your essay exhibits a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate terminology related to the topic. To enhance your lexical resource score, try to incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary throughout the essay.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range in the essay is solid, with minimal errors. To improve, pay attention to sentence structure and ensure that your sentences are varied in length and complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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