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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #art #children #school #waste #time
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In
this
 day and age,
children
 are required to study a great deal of subjects at school.
Although
 some believe that studying
art
 is a waste of
time
 for
children
 at institutions, others support that it is mandatory for them to learn
art
. In
this
 essay, I will examine both views and explain why I think it is necessary to include
art
 education at school. There are two main reasons why a number of people think it was a waste of
time
.
Firstly
,
students
 should spend their
time
 on practical subjects
such
 as sciences and languages. By doing so, they can sharpen their skills for future workplaces.
Secondly
, artworks are too complicated for
children
 to understand. Most of the
students
 find it difficult to interpret the symbolism of the post-impressionism paintings. Owing to a lack of life experience, they usually fail to integrate their viewpoints into the masterpieces. If they find it boring, it will only cost their invaluable
time
 for nothing.
Whereas
 it shows that learning
art
 is hard and seems useless for kids, there are precise values that they can obtain through studying
art
. The most prominent one is understanding history. Thanks to collectors who preserved thousands of
art
 pieces,
students
 not only can experience what living in the Middle Ages looked like by looking at oil paintings, but
also
 learn from others’ experiences and interpretations of wars, disasters, and historical events.
Moreover
, they can
also
 improve self-awareness by knowing their own preferences. The more artwork they learn, the better self they will understand.
Art
 is an abstract subject that people hold different views on whether it should be a mandatory subject for
children
 to study. By carefully assessing both views, I wholeheartedly believe that
art
 is an invaluable subject for
students
 at school.
Submitted by sonyso on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Maintain a consistent flow in your paragraphs by enhancing transitions and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next. While your essay contains an introduction and a conclusion, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and stronger concluding sentences that reinforce your main points.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to effectively illustrate your points. Relevant examples not only support your ideas but also demonstrate your ability to apply abstract concepts to real-world scenarios. Although you mentioned art's role in understanding history and self-awareness, giving detailed examples would make your argument more convincing.
Task Achievement
Each paragraph should revolve around a single main idea that is introduced clearly at the beginning and developed throughout the paragraph. Ensure that this main idea links back to the question prompt to maintain relevance and focus.
Task Achievement
Elaborate on your ideas further to flesh out your arguments and enhance the comprehensiveness of your response. Aim to offer deeper insights into why art is beneficial for children's education by expanding on the points you've raised such as practical skills, life experience, and interpretation skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
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