IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
When some
people
 continue their academic study at a university, more individuals should be encouraged to take vocational training to increase their qualifications. I agree with
this
 statement and will explain the reasons in
this
 essay.
To begin
, many individuals choose to continue their studies to a higher level,
such
 as going to
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 academy, because in the university they can enhance their soft
skills
.
For instance
, students will learn how to write a good academic paper or how to present their opinions through public speaking
while
 they are on campus.
Additionally
, it will
rise
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 their opportunity to get a good job. Nowadays, many companies prefer to hire an employee who has finished their graduate study. On the other side,
people
 need to upgrade their
skills
 by joining training. Workers need to develop
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
practical
skills
 that will support the theoretical
skills
 which are given in the university.
For example
, electricians and plumbers need to take certified training and prove that they have abilities to handle hazardous things. Even though joining a training needs more time and money,
however
, by becoming a specialist in a certain area will
gain
Verb problem
give me
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 opportunity to have a higher income. Based on these reasons, many
people
 should be supported to take a training.
To conclude
, I agree that more individuals need to
encourage
Wrong verb form
be encouraged
show examples
 to take vocational training. Because it can upgrade their
skills
. Theoretical
skills
 should be supported by practical
skills
 especially when it links to dangerous things.
Further
,
people
 will have more opportunities to get paid
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the highest amount when they become a specialist. Studying in educational institutions is
also
 a good choice,
thus
 they can enhance their soft
skills
 and gain opportunities to get a good job.
Submitted by jxnxy01 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to add depth to your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve fluency.
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