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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

e table and charts detailed below give information about the police budget in 2017 and 2018 in on area of Britain. The table illustrates where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.

e table and charts detailed below give information about the police budget in 2017 and 2018 in on area of Britain. The table illustrates where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.
#e #information #police #budget #area #britain #money #show
The table and chart
presents
Change the verb form
present
show examples
 details about police
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 in 2017 and 2018 in one particular area in Britain.The table shows the sources of
money
 that police get from and the charts
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the percentage of
money
 spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
salaries
 , technology and buildings and transport in both years.
Overall
,
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
 government was the highest source of
money
.
However
, the
money
 that came from local taxes increased significantly. The most
money
 was spent on
salaries
.
Nevertheless
, the proportion of technology grew which led to
Correct article usage
a decreased
show examples
decreased
Change the form of the verb
decrease
show examples
 in the percentage of
salaries
. In 2017,
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
 government was the highest with 175.5 million and local taxes and other sources with 91.2m and 38m respectively. In 2018, the national government remained the highest with 177.8m.
However
, the most significant increase was in the local taxes with almost 10 million. In both 2017 and 2018
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
salaries
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top of the
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 with 75% and 69% respectively.
Nonetheless
, the technology was 8% in 2017 which
then
 increased to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
14% in 2018.
Therefore
, the
salaries
 percentage decreased and the buildings and transport
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 the same
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 17% in both years.
Submitted by ibrakh80 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, salaries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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