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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think having a university degree is the best way to secure a good job.However, others believe skills and experience are more important than. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Education
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 plays a vital role in shaping an individual’s future, especially in today’s competitive and fast-paced world. Some argue that possessing a university degree guarantees secure employment,
while
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 others contend that
skills
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 and
experience
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 outweigh academic
qualifications
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own view. On the one hand, higher
education
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 is often regarded as a gateway to lucrative
career
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 opportunities. Many students invest substantial financial resources to obtain prestigious
qualifications
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 from top universities, as employers frequently use academic credentials as a benchmark when assessing candidates.
For example
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, a recent survey in China revealed that graduates with advanced degrees in computer science are significantly more likely to secure high-paying positions in the IT sector compared to those without formal
education
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.
Thus
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, a university degree not only enhances employability but
also
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 provides access to better
career
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 prospects and financial stability.
On the other hand
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, practical
skills
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 and professional
experience
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 play an equally crucial role in the workplace. In many industries,
such
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 as sales and logistics, employers
prioritize
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prioritise
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 competencies like communication, teamwork, and proficiency in tools
such
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 as MS Excel over formal
education
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.
Moreover
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,
experience
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 is particularly valued in fields like banking and finance, where employees with years of service are often promoted because they have developed the expertise to manage risks and make informed decisions.
Therefore
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,
while
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 academic
qualifications
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 may open doors, it is hands-on knowledge and accumulated
experience
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 that sustain long-term
career
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 growth. In my opinion, employers should adopt a balanced approach when evaluating candidates.
While
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 academic achievements demonstrate theoretical understanding and discipline,
skills
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 and
experience
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 reflect a person’s ability to apply knowledge in practical settings. An ideal candidate is one who combines both attributes, making them adaptable and capable of excelling in a dynamic job market.
To conclude
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,
although
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 higher
education
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 remains a valuable asset that can enhance
career
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 opportunities,
skills
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 and
experience
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 are equally important in determining professional success. Ultimately, a combination of
qualifications
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, expertise, and practical exposure offers the strongest foundation for long-term employability.

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coherence
Add more clear links between ideas with simple hop words to guide the reader.
task response
Give one or two more precise examples to back up points.
lexical resource
Keep many simple words and short句?
content
The essay shows a clear view and a fair balance between sides.
organization
It has a good setup with intro, body, and conclusion.
argument
The idea of balance between degree and skill is well shown.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitive advantage
  • in-depth knowledge
  • theoretical understanding
  • networking opportunities
  • prerequisite
  • professions
  • practical, hands-on knowledge
  • perform tasks efficiently and effectively
  • actual ability
  • deliver results
  • problem-solving
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • real-world settings
  • blend of both education and practical experience
  • theoretical concepts
  • ideal scenario
  • bolstered by practical application
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