IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

nowadays, most children prefer to spend several hours playing with electronic devices over doing more traditional leisure activities. what does this cause. how to tackle this problem

#children #hours #devices #leisure #activities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary world, teenagers are more in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of technological devices than outside
activities
Use synonyms
. The principal cause of
this
Linking Words
 issue is parental neglect which can be solved by more parental involvement and more extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
 at school. The root cause is that
children
Use synonyms
 tend to glue their eyes into smart gadgets without prohibition from their
parents
Use synonyms
. It must be recognized that
parents
Use synonyms
 lack discipline at home because they do not want to be interrupted
while
Linking Words
 concentrating on their busy work. The scarcity of time prone to
parents
Use synonyms
 encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to entertain themselves with digital devices which offer a wide variety of interactive and engaging experiences. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem,
parents
Use synonyms
 should create screen-free zones and times for their
children
Use synonyms
. The most effective approach for
parents
Use synonyms
 is to restrict time on screen. To implement
this
Linking Words
 method
parents
Use synonyms
 should set aside certain times of the week and guarantee that
children
Use synonyms
 follow
this
Linking Words
.
As a result
Linking Words
, youngsters are disciplined to spend less time on smart gadgets and experience more outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, schools should conduct more extracurricular courses to foster student’s curiosity and interactivity. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 are more interested in the virtual world than organized
activities
Use synonyms
 stems from a lack of
parent
Replace the word
parental
show examples
 control.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it should have been demonstrated that immediate action needs to be taken in the form of parental involvement and extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
 at school.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include more varied vocabulary and avoid repetition. Also, use transition words and phrases to clearly connect ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using synonyms and more specific terms.
grammatical range
Pay attention to verb tenses and sentence structures to ensure accuracy and clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: