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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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There is an increased number of
health
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 problems caused by
stress
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 in society nowadays.
This
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essay
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 will examine the main causes of
stress
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-related illness and possible solutions to
this
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problem
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. In my opinion,
stress
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-related problems are caused by longer working hours and decreasing social
activities
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.
This
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essay
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 will
also
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 suggest two solutions to
this
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problem
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 including encouraging work-life balance and joining a community. In
this
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 era, many
people
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 work for a longer
time
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 and
also
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 can not do many social
activities
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. Since the free
time
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 that one has is limited, they do not have any
time
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 to exercise or join in any social
activities
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.
For instance
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, one of my co-workers had a
problem
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 with his heart and needed to go to a psychiatrist
due to
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 his bad habit which never exercising and never sharing his
problem
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 with anyone.
Thus
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, the condition showed us that imbalanced habits between work and social
activities
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 can cause
health
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 problems. Encouraging
people
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 to have a work-life balance
also
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 joining in some communities can help them minimize their
stress
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 so that will not impact their bodies. If they can spare their
time
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 to exercise or have quality
time
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 with their friends, they will be healthier
also
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 happier.
For example
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, many students in school do not have any
stress
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-related sickness because they regularly do sports
activities
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 in school and have
time
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 to play with their friends.
Therefore
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, in order to lower
health
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 issues that are caused by
stress
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,
people
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 need to use their
time
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 wisely. In conclusion,
health
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 issues caused by
stress
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 have grown rapidly among many
people
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 recently.
This
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essay
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 discussed how
stress
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 is often caused by long working hours and minuscule
time
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 for social
activities
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.
This
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essay
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also
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 suggested that the solutions to the
problem
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 are to manage work-life balance and to join in some communities.

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task response
Make sure to clearly address all parts of the prompt and provide a comprehensive response. Expand on the causes and elaboration on the solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a consistent logical structure throughout the essay. Add a clearer thesis statement and a more definitive conclusion.
lexical resource
Diversify your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language to express your ideas. Expand your range of vocabulary related to stress and health problems.
grammatical range
Work on minimizing grammatical errors and sentence structure. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and word order.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • stress-related illnesses
  • hypertension
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • modern lifestyle
  • work pressure
  • technological advancements
  • social pressures
  • material wealth
  • work-life balance
  • mindfulness
  • meditation
  • stress management
  • flexible working hours
  • telecommuting
  • mandatory vacation
  • educational programs
  • mental health
  • supportive work environment
  • counseling services
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