Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#people #college #travel #work #time

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‏There is no doubt that these days, education has become an integral element of our lives. Some

people

Use synonyms

prefer travelling or working for a short period before they enter

into

Change preposition

apply

show examples

university. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I Discuss the negatives and positives in the following paragraphs

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and provide my point of view. ‏ In terms of advantages, a career has

positive

Add an article

a positive

show examples

impact on the lives of individuals before engaging in college. It is undeniable that most

people

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gain personal growth and development through work.

Furthermore

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, work allows them to acquire practical experiences and knowledge.

In addition

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, young individuals would be financially independent .

For instance

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, in the restaurant sector can be observed most employees are young

people

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, working in order to secure their needs and their families.

Therefore

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people

Use synonyms

will be more aware of their responsibilities in future .

Besides

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, Traveling can change the psychological state and allow for the renewal of energy. ‏

In contrast

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, working

instead

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of directly getting into college could

also

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have some drawbacks as well.

First,

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delayed entry into the job market because most career nowadays requires specific degree or qualifications .

Secondly

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, the labour market is more competitive for those qualified and experienced than those without .

Moreover

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, it would be difficult to return to education.

Last

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but not least, unlearned

people

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always have financial struggles in their lives. ‏

To sum up

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, I do believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks

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apply

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because nowadays experiences and personal skills are important for applying to work.

In addition

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, working allows

people

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to be more responsible.

Therefore

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Submitted by du.sg16 on Sun Oct 29 2023

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task response

Make sure to clearly address all parts of the prompt and provide a balanced argument. Include a clear thesis statement that outlines your position on the topic.

coherence cohesion

Improve the organization of your ideas by using clear topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.

lexical resource

Expand your vocabulary and use more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas. Avoid repetition of words and phrases.

grammatical range

Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Be more careful with verb tenses and subject-verb agreement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

gap year
self-discovery
character-building
enhanced
independence
adaptability
interpersonal skills
open-mindedness
global perspective
delayed
employment prospects
financial burden
educational attainment

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Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that they should not go to school until they are older.

Some people believe that children should be allowed to go out for outdoor activities. While others believe that children should stay at home most of the time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teacher in the classroom.

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.