Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion.
Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that
this
is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion
Smoking is a bad habit it not only has devastating health impact on a smoker but also
affects the people around him. As a result
many Corportaes and public palces have a restriction on smoking. I totally agree with this
action, and this
essay would be providing some addditional reasons and evidences for implementing a ban on these kind of activites.
If a person lights up a cigarette in a public area then
this
could lead to secondary and tertiary smoking by others who are in and around this
individual. Moreover
, such
people are more likely prone to have an impoper functioning or faliure of few organs. Example: In a recent research published by the WHO, requests it's public to avoid these indirect smoking methods, and warns that if they are exposing themselves to such
an environment for longer period then
this
can affect thier nervous system and also
cause lung cancer.
In addition
to this
, Asthama patients have a breathing problem. Despite this
, if such
a patient is present in a room where there is a lot of smoke, this
can elevate the risks of death due to
choking, Example: In an article released by AIMS Delhi, in 2019, mentions that an Asthama patient has 8% higher chance of dying if he is continuosly inhailing nicotine gas.
In conclusion, A private space should be provided to light up cigarette. Because doing this
in a office or a crowded place can affect the health of others and also
become a reason of fatal death.Submitted by yashaswikhot on
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task achievement
Consider using a more structured format in your introduction. Presenting your thesis statement in clear terms will help set the tone for your essay. For example, state explicitly why you agree with the ban on smoking in public places and provide a preview of your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between your paragraphs. For example, use transition phrases like 'Furthermore,' or 'Additionally,' to connect ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
In the paragraph about asthma patients, further elaboration on the connection between smoking and their condition would be beneficial for better clarity.
task achievement
Proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical mistakes. The words 'Corportaes,' 'palces,' 'addditional,' 'activites,' 'imoper,' 'faliure,' 'thier,' 'Asthama,' 'inhailing,' and 'continuosly' should be corrected to 'corporates,' 'places,' 'additional,' 'activities,' 'improper,' 'failure,' 'their,' 'asthma,' 'inhaling,' and 'continuously,' respectively.
task achievement
You've done well to include relevant and specific examples to support your main points, such as citing research from WHO and AIMS Delhi.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and reinforces your overall opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.