IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

More and more information about the lives of celebrities is found in newspaper, magazines, online. What is happening? what are disadvantages for reading public? Provide reasons for your anwer include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#information #lives #celebrities #newspaper #magazines #anwer
Nowadays, information about lives
style
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
 of
superstar
Fix the agreement mistake
superstars
show examples
 is being fasted
access
Wrong verb form
accessed
show examples
 via
media
 social and
media
 print.
Overall
,
this
 essay will
proved
Change the verb form
prove
be proved
show examples
statement
Correct article usage
a statement
show examples
 about the drawbacks of
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
lifestyle
 of celebrities
such
 as a high
lifestyle
 and a lack of education. The one of principles cons
being
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 luminary is being peaked social status.
However
, status social
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
relating
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
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 glamour and
exclusive
Replace the word
exclusivity
show examples
, which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
impacts
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
follow
Fix the infinitive
to follow
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
models
.
In addition
,
background
Add an article
the background
a background
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 of
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
 is determined
the
Change preposition
by the
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patten
Correct your spelling
pattern
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 of shopping style.
Furthermore
,
income
Add an article
the income
an income
show examples
 of household
different
Replace the word
differences
show examples
 had been needed of human dissimilar.
On
Change preposition
For
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 instance, the one's
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Indonesian
famous
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
celebrities
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrity
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, Rafi Ahmad has been
successing
Replace the word
a successful
show examples
models
Fix the agreement mistake
model
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Addidas and Nike,
that
Correct word choice
and
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 Individuals
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 young
people
 is attending wear and buy
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 brands.
Thus
,
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 background of humans
had been impacting
Wrong verb form
has impacted
show examples
for
Correct article usage
the for
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 capacity shopping
lifestyle
 and
lifestyle
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
models
. On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 hand, the information of superstar daily
lifestyle
 is
lacked
Wrong verb form
lacking
show examples
 of education building knowledge.
Moreover
, the information command
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 daily activities, so
if
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 will benefit for house wife or
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 job
relate
Change the form of the verb
related
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
household
Correct article usage
the household
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, for young
people
 particularly is being habited consumptive and less productive.
For example
,
student
Add an article
the student
a student
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 always spends all night
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wactching
Correct your spelling
watching
roles
Change the noun form
role
show examples
 model activities
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their Youtube channels.
Accordingly
,
habits
Correct article usage
the habits
show examples
 of
people
 for their
models
 had been impacting
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
lifestyle
 and learning. In conclusion, there are several drawbacks is being famous and Individuals will access their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 faster from social
media
 and print
media
.
However
, the impacts of those
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
lacking
Wrong verb form
a lack
show examples
 of awareness and high
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lifestyles.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt. It focuses on the drawbacks of celebrities' social lifestyle but does not explain why more information is being found in newspapers, magazines, and online.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure. It needs better organization of ideas and paragraphs to improve the logical flow of information.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a decent range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of inaccurate word choices and awkward phrasing. Aim to use more precise and appropriate language to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement and word order issues. Review grammar rules and proofread your work to ensure better accuracy and clarity in your writing.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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