Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for and accept what their children want to do. Is this good for children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up?

#parents #children #consequences

With the low birth rate, fewer and fewer

children

that

Correct word choice

than

show examples

a family bred for. In

this

case, most

parents

would approve everything that the

juveniles

ask for.

However

, it is not proper for

children

and some problems come from

this

circumstance.

Although

more and more

parents

choose to agree with all requests from

juveniles

as a result

of the low birth rate, it is not a correct trend and way. So young are the

children

that they have not shaped a proper value perception yet. If

parents

approve of everything they ask for,

juveniles

will be spoiled and even request more expensive materials in the

future

Hence

parents

ought to impart the value perception to them and teach them how to use money wisely. It is apparent that if

parents

randomly agree with all the requests from

children

, it would contribute to spoiled youngsters in the

future

. To be more specific,

children

may think they can possess everything easily without any effort.

Nevertheless

, in reality, you have to make efforts for lots of things,

such

as quality of life, property, and the options of your life. Take a clear instance, in some Asia countries,

parents

would let

children

buy everything they want;

nonetheless

, after a decade, some research revealed those

juveniles

are spoiled and refuse to try hard for their’ careers.

Accordingly

, on no account can the

parents

ignore the influence of randomly giving everything to their

children

. In conclusion, if

children

agree with all the

children

’s requests, it would have a bad impact on their

future

Moreover

, they will not be willing to pursue a better

future

by themselves.

Submitted by sherry0588 on Sun Oct 29 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction lacks a clear statement of the writer's opinion. Make sure to clearly state your position on the issue in the introduction.

coherence cohesion

The body paragraphs should provide more detailed examples and evidence to support the main points.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed in the essay and provide a clear conclusion based on the writer's opinion.

task achievement

The essay addresses the prompt adequately, but some ideas could be developed further. Provide more specific examples and supporting details to strengthen the argument.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively. Avoid repeating the same words and phrases too frequently.

grammatical range

Make sure to use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate your grammatical range. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

indulgence
overindulgence
leniency
emotional resilience
rejection
entitlement
realistic expectations
self-regulated behavior
egocentric
financial management
professional relationships
collaboratively
criticism
appreciation
value
effort

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Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for and accept what their children want to do. Is this good for children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Companies sponsoring sports events for advertising purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages for this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, most countries improve the standard of living through economic development. But some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of the phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high Levels of Sugar,which causes many health problems.Sugary products should be made ti encourage people consume less sugar Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?