IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money.Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In our modern society, there are different views regarding unsatisfactory jobs and shortage of money which employees tend to accept, even if they are not satisfied with them.
While
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 others’ opinion is that it is suitable to take action and improve
such
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situations
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. In my opinion,
people
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 should be satisfied with the work environment and salary in order to not affect their well-being and to become better and better at their job. On the one hand, many individuals will want to remain calm during bad days and accept difficult
situations
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. Most
people
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 think that they can not find answers to some circumstances,
thus
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 they prefer to spend their time on something more productive than fighting other
people
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.
For example
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, my friend who was an employee of the National Bank of Romania was having financial issues. Despite having offers at other companies, he preferred staying in an organisation where he had been for several years.
Therefore
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, he did not want to take the risk of losing his position and go hunting again which might take quite some time.
On the other hand
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, difficult
situations
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 can be a great way to help us
to
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apply
show examples
understand how to find solutions to difficult problems.
In other words
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, when
people
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 are trying to take the first step and being brave in expressing their unsatisfactory moments, their mindset can become stronger. History is full of examples of famous personalities who struggled in order to achieve a better life. The UK Prime Minister is a good example who struggled to become powerful and have a high status.
Therefore
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, taking action and having determination are important aspects of pupils’ lives. In conclusion ,
while
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 there are
people
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 who want to accept their fate in hard
situations
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, I believe that it is more beneficial to adopt a proactive approach and strive for improvement.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct topic sentence. For example, start with a central idea that will be discussed in the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Try to make smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make your conclusion a bit stronger by summarizing the main points more comprehensively. This will leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
Address both sides of the argument more evenly to show a balanced discussion of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for good coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and specific, which strengthens your arguments.
task achievement
You’ve presented clear and comprehensive ideas, which is crucial for achieving a high score in task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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