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People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than for their own benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #health #duty #society
It is sometimes argued that each individual should take care of their physical condition
instead
 of their own profits in order to take responsibility for
a
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society. Personally, I completely agree that minding our own health to enhance the general public would be a good idea.
Firstly
, it can be said with certainty that it would be a motivation to improve community healthcare life. By
this
, I mean that the population maintain both physical and mental strength, which leads to a reduction in the risk of obesity and related health issues.
Secondly
, having a fit body would help them feel comfortable and energetic when doing social activities.
Finally
, joining a team sport allows us to improve important skills,
such
 as communication and cooperation, which would link the community together. I believe that when each person knew how to take care of themselves, it would benefit the government in the financial aspect and provide more opportunities to grow the country. The main basis is probably because the government would spend less money
in
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 preventing and curing illness if citizens could handle and tackle their well-being problems.
Consequently
, the funds of the government could be used for other purposes, like lifting out of poverty and investing in technological development. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the advantages of being responsible for our own fitness would benefit the society in
the
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a
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 positive way.
Submitted by miatr.work on

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task response
Provide a clear thesis statement that directly answers the question.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay to ensure a logical flow of ideas.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Make sure to vary your sentence structures and use more complex grammatical structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • duty
  • well-being
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • productive
  • economy
  • example
  • empower
  • informed choices
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