IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The international community must act immediately to ensure all nations to reduce their consumption of fossil fuels e.g. gas and oil. To what extent do you agree/ disagree?

#community #act #nations #consumption #fuels #e #g #gas #oil
In recent years, the world is facing a critical challenge
due to
 the increasing
consumption
 of fossil fuels
such
 as gas and oil. A growing number of individuals believe that the global community needs to act immediately to reduce their
consumption
 worldwide. Personally, I am convinced that the immediate action of the international community can tackle
this
 issue.
To begin
 with, there are several advantages
of
Change preposition
to
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 reducing fossil
fuel
consumption
. If the governmental organization in each nation has awareness about the consequences of
this
consumption
, it would deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental pollution .When the government acts immediately and decisively,
this
consumption
 situation will be alleviated and the adverse effects of climate change could be mitigated.
In addition
, the use of renewable energy
such
 as solar, wind and hydropower can provide sustainable energy for the future.
For instance
,several countries have encouraged people to use bicycles and electric vehicles, limit the use of public transport to reduce gasoline and oil
consumption
 and protect the environment.
On the other hand
, the action of global organizations can raise awareness of protecting people's health and reduce the national budget
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 buying fuels from other countries.
Subsequently
, they will consciously reduce the amount of fossil
fuel
 consumed to protect the environment
as well as
 protect their health. By reducing the amount of fossil fuels
are
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consumed, the international community can create a safer and healthier environment for all individuals.
Moreover
, there are some countries which are experiencing inflation, so reduced
fuel
 purchases
also
 contribute to saving the national budgets.
For example
, in Vietnam recently, the government has prioritized policies
and
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including building electronic skytrains to minimize
fuel
consumption
 from public transport.
Therefore
, cases of respiratory diseases affected by dust or smoke from
material
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the material
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 have
also
 been significantly reduced. In conclusion, all things considered, it is my strong belief that the international organization must act quickly to improve
this
 situation in the world.
Submitted by phthaoo on

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task response
Ensure that all aspects of the task are addressed fully.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more precise and varied words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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