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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that spending a lot of money on birthday parties, wedding parties, and other celebrations is a waste of money. However, others believe such parties are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #birthday #parties #celebrations #waste #individuals #society
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Some people argue that spending a lot of money on birthday
parties
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, wedding
parties
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, and other
celebrations
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 is a waste of money.
However
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, others believe
such
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parties
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 are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. The debate over whether spending large amounts of money on
celebrations
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 is wasteful or valuable is one that reflects differing perspectives on the role of social
events
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 in our lives. On one hand, critics of extravagant spending on
celebrations
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 argue that it is a misuse of resources. They point out that
events
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such
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 as birthday
parties
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 and weddings often involve considerable expenditure on items like decorations, catering, and entertainment, which may be used briefly and
then
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 discarded.
This
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 viewpoint emphasizes that the funds spent on
such
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events
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 could be redirected towards more practical or philanthropic purposes,
such
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 as supporting charitable causes or investing in personal development.
Additionally
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, critics argue that the time and effort spent planning and attending these
events
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 might be better utilized in productive activities that contribute to personal or societal advancement.
Conversely
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, proponents of spending on
celebrations
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 argue that
such
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events
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 hold significant value for individuals and society. They believe that
celebrations
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 mark important life milestones and offer opportunities for people to strengthen social connections and build lasting memories. For many, these
events
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 provide a chance to share
joy
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the joy
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 with loved ones, fostering a sense of community and personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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. The cultural and social importance of these gatherings can
also
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 play a role in reinforcing societal bonds and traditions, making the financial outlay seem justified to those who value these experiences. In my opinion,
while
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 it is important to appreciate the role of
celebrations
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 in enhancing personal and social well-being, there is merit in adopting a balanced approach. Hosting
celebrations
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 with a reasonable budget allows individuals to enjoy these moments without undue financial strain. Allocating any remaining resources to charitable causes or future savings can provide a practical balance between celebrating life’s milestones and maintaining financial responsibility.
Submitted by niteshrayamajhi542 on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively covers both sides of the argument, but adding more specific examples would further enhance your argument. For instance, referencing studies or statistics about spending on celebrations could strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purpose, but they could be more compelling. Consider crafting a more engaging opening statement and a conclusive summary that leaves a stronger impact on the reader.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion and effectively covers both perspectives on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You use clear and logical structure throughout, making your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
You offer a nuanced opinion, advocating for a balanced approach, which enriches your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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