Peoples believe that individuals are responsible for their happiness. Others believe that different factors of people’s life influence happiness. Discuss both views. State your opinion

#peoples #individuals #happiness #factors #people’s #life #influence

There is no denying the fact that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

happiness

people

live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

While

it is a commonly held belief that

people

are responsible for their

happiness

, there is

also

an argument that there are reasons that make

people

's life

unhappiness

Replace the word

unhappy

show examples

This

essay will discuss

this

topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand, individuals are responsible for their

happiness

whenever and wherever

thay

Correct your spelling

they

are.

In other words

happiness

does not depend on other things

such

as family state , and work environment .

In addition

happiness

depend

Change the verb form

depends

show examples

in satisfy

Change preposition

on satisfying

show examples

and

live

Wrong verb form

living

show examples

with conditions and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

beyond just

moeny

Correct your spelling

money

For example

, if a person wakes up and

said

Wrong verb form

says

show examples

' I am happy today ' , he will be happy all

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

day even if he has debts and family problems.

On the other hand

, there are numerous factors that influence

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

's life. It is

also

possible to say that family circumstances and

stress

Correct article usage

the stress

show examples

of work play a crucial role

to feel

Change preposition

in feeling

show examples

unhappy.

Moreover

funds condition

Fix the agreement mistake

fund conditions

show examples

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

, since they will think

how

Change preposition

about how

show examples

to finish it daily.

For instance

, there are

statstics

Correct your spelling

statistics

that conducted by the Ministry of

Helath

Correct your spelling

Health

in Saudi Arabia which explain that 60

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

depreession

Correct your spelling

depression

patients have had major problems. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

question. On balance ,

however

, I tend to believe that family, work , and society in

people

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

influence

Correct pronoun usage

them to

show examples

feel happy.

Submitted by fatemah221027 on Sun Oct 29 2023

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Task Response

Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt are addressed and provide a clear opinion on the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the logical flow of ideas and the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Lexical Resource

Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions.

Grammatical Range

Work on improving the range and complexity of sentence structures.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

242 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Peoples believe that individuals are responsible for their happiness. Others believe that different factors of people’s life influence happiness. Discuss both views. State your opinion

Word Count

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