Children are experiencing increasing educational, social, and commercial pressures. what are the causes? what measures do you think can be taken to reduce them?

#children #pressures #measures

Nowadays, many young

children

are under tension and suffering from education, social, and markets. in

this

essay, I will consider both causes and solutions for

this

problem. On the one hand, parents play a crucial role In their

children

's lives and their decisions because

children

want to look up their families. Unfortunately, the majority of mothers and fathers who couldn't achieve their dreams,

such

as their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

jobs or status in society and better education, are stringent with their

children

's school and lessons and expect them to gain the best scores and choose the majors they had dreamed. These expectations lead to nervous breakdowns and have ruined youths' mental health.

In addition

, in my country, education at a good university converts to a big industry that promotes itself through adverts in media, TV, and schools.

Therefore

, parents are influenced by these advertisements of top universities and institutes easily. Another cause, which has deep negative effects on students is the educational system, when they come to school until they finish it. In many developing nations, when it is time for kids to learn literacy, schools don't try to realize each student's talents.

Due to

this

children

stray off their way of life and they have to proceed with what society and their parents like.

On the other hand

, how we can tackle

this

circumstance? The government should hold some TV programs, and seminars and publish essays on

this

issue so people are aware of the consequences of

this

phenomenon.

Furthermore

, schools had better consult every student and get them the right plan so that, they can gain what they like in the future and become a person who attempts their own aims, not others. If these measures are conducted, we will have a happier society with many experts who enjoy their jobs. In conclusion, families and states should care about the kids more and try to provide the best situation and facilities to develop learners' skills. they have to stop irrational requests and keep

children

away from stress and anxiety.

Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on Sun Oct 29 2023

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task response

Ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed. In this essay, you discussed both the causes and solutions to the issue of increasing educational, social, and commercial pressures on children. However, the response could have been more comprehensive and provided more specific examples.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to the structure and organization of your essay to improve coherence and cohesion. While the logical structure is clear, the introduction and conclusion could have been stronger. Additionally, make sure to support your main points with sufficient evidence and examples.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary to improve the lexical resource of your essay. Try to incorporate more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the depth and clarity of your arguments.

grammatical range

Work on your grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve the grammatical range of your essay. Make sure to use proper grammar, punctuation, and sentence structures to effectively convey your ideas.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

339 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Pressures
Stress
Competition
Expectations
Peer influence
Technology
Media
Standardization
Balanced lifestyle
Extracurriculars
Education reform
Financial support

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Children are experiencing increasing educational, social, and commercial pressures. what are the causes? what measures do you think can be taken to reduce them?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast food. Many people think that it is good to eat traditional foods while others believe that fast food is a good choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people opine that increasing office hour is a reason for many social and personal problems and that is why it should be reduced to 35 hours in a week. What are the advantages and disadvantages of reducing the working week to 35 hours?

Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people think that public libraries are no longer necessary, while others believe that public libraries still perform useful functions.Discuss both views and give your opinion.