IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and colleges. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Childhood obesity is a growing problem in many countries, and some people believe that
advertisements
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 for fast
food
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, sweets, and sugary snacks should not be allowed in
schools
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 and colleges.
While
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 I agree that limiting
such
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 ads can help promote a healthier lifestyle, I
also
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 believe that education and parental guidance play a bigger role in solving
this
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 issue. On one hand, banning
advertisements
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 for unhealthy
food
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 in
schools
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 could have positive effects.
Children
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 are easily influenced by marketing, and if they constantly see ads for fast
food
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 and sugary snacks, they may be more likely to consume them.
This
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 can lead to weight gain and health problems
such
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 as diabetes and heart disease. By removing these ads,
schools
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 can encourage students to make healthier choices,
such
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 as eating more fruits and vegetables.
On the other hand
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, banning
advertisements
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 alone will not completely stop childhood obesity. Many
children
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 eat unhealthy
food
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 at home, and fast
food
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 restaurants are easily accessible outside of school. Parents play a crucial role in teaching their
children
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 about nutrition and encouraging them to eat balanced meals.
Additionally
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,
schools
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 can help by providing healthier lunch options and educating students about the benefits of a good diet and regular exercise. In conclusion,
while
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 banning
advertisements
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 for unhealthy
food
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 in
schools
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 may help reduce childhood obesity, it is not a complete solution. A combination of education, parental responsibility, and healthier school meals is necessary to promote a healthier lifestyle for
children
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your key points, especially in relation to the positive effects of healthier school meals or programs for educating parents.
coherence
Make sure to clarify the links between ideas more explicitly; this can help improve the flow when transitioning between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence
The introduction clearly states the issue and your stance, setting a good foundation for the essay.
coherence
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and restates your position, providing a satisfying closure to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • vulnerability
  • unethical
  • well-being
  • commercial gain
  • cafeteria options
  • nutritional programs
  • fast food advertisements
  • health impacts
  • influence
  • educational environment
  • promote healthier eating habits
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