IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The only reason to work hard is to earn money.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reason #work #money
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Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, many
people
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 believe that earning more
money
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 is an integral part
to get
Change preposition
of getting
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 a better life.
However
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, in my personal opinion acquiring
adequate
Add an article
an adequate
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 amount of
money
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 may be the initial gate for
someone
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for having
Change preposition
to have
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 a
properous
Correct your spelling
proper
 life.
This
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 essay will discuss the reason why
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think that the main reason for
people
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 to work is
money
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.
To begin
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 with, it is the capitalist system, which
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 the rich become richer
while
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 the poor just
being
Verb problem
become
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 stagnant or even poorer.
This
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 system
was begin
Change the verb form
began
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 when
people
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start
Wrong verb form
started
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 to monopolize every
resources
Change to a singular noun
resource
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 including land, livestock, water and any other valuable resources.
For instance
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, by gaining
a
Remove the article
apply
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full control of those basic needs, they can make
someone
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 spend their cash to trade the
commmodities
Correct your spelling
commodities
for ensuring
Change preposition
to ensure
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 those
people
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 can through their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
Hence
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, that was the beginning of the
people
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start
Wrong verb form
started
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 to trade their time and energy with
money
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.
Moreover
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, the capitalist system have been more developed in
this
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21
Correct your spelling
21st
 century which mainly
support
Wrong verb form
supported
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 by the invention of
investment
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instrument
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.
Therefore
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,
investment
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were
Change the verb form
was
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 basically designed to make the one who
have
Change the verb form
has
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 more cash can get more return
in
Change preposition
on
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 the same
instrument
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.
This
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 thesis can be simply proven by doing a simple
artihmatic
Correct your spelling
arithmetic
 calculation for
return
Correct article usage
the return
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 of the
investment
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instrument
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 which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a 5% coupon with
the
Correct article usage
an
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 initial
investment
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 of 1 million and 100
millions
Change to singular
million
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 rupiah. Unfortunately,
it is clear that
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 the 100
millions
Change to singular
million
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 initial
investment
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 will obtain more return for the same
instrument
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 in the same
periode
Correct your spelling
period
.
Thus
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,
money
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 plays an essential role
to build
Change preposition
in building
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someone
Use synonyms
's fortune.
To conclude
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,
although
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 some
people
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 are willing to work
due to
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 their passion,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
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it is
money
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 will give us a chance to make a better life.
Therefore
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, in the
end
Add a comma
end,
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money
Use synonyms
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
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solely
Change the adverb
sole
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 factor that
lead
Change the verb form
leads
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someone
Use synonyms
 willing to work nine to five.
Submitted by dowjones on

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task response
Provide a clear and direct response to the prompt by stating your position in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a logical and well-organized structure by presenting your main points in separate paragraphs.
lexical resource
Broaden your range of vocabulary by using more diverse and precise words.
grammatical range
Work on improving your sentence construction and grammar to enhance clarity and avoid errors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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