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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the growing population in cities more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it positive or negative development?

#population #cities #people #home #areas #development
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Currently, more and more
people
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 are moving toward big cities from villages,
as a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 population of urban areas growing very high,
due to
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 the limited amount of space, city residents have to live in small
aprtments
Correct your spelling
apartments
 with small or no backwards, the fact there are more and more high-rise building because of that. In my view, there is both
Correct article usage
a negetive
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negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 and positive side to
this
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, in the bellow I will discuss about it from my point of view. There are
couple
Change the article
a couple
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 of positive aspects to
this
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.
Firstly
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, building many
apartment
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building
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buildings
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 solves the population problem in big cities. It increases the chances of more and more
people
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 having a roof above their
head
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heads
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.
Secondly
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, living in an
apartment
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 helps us to
noice
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notice
 and
pollutions
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pollution
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. the health of the
people
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 who
lives
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live
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 near
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
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 will be badly affected by dust and
noices
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noise
notices
noises
.
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also
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also,
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 it is safer to live in
Use synonyms
apartment
Add an article
an apartment
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,
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apply
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 because they have
decent
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a decent
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 security system.
On the other hand
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, those living in apartments will have to pay extra fees,
such
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 as security, cleaning, lift and parking fees.
this
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 will increase the cost of living for a lot of
people
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.
in addition
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, before doing any party one
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has
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have
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have to
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 ask permission from the
apartment
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 management. In conclusion, living in
Use synonyms
apartment
Add an article
an apartment
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 can be very costly.
However
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, it has positive effects on other aspects of life.
Such
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 as a healthy secure lifestyle and privacy.
Therefore
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, city life is not for everyone and
people
Use synonyms
 think about it very wisely before moving to big cities.
Submitted by husainul.islam.abir on

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coherence cohesion
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grammatical range
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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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