In some countries today, children are taught from a young age that competition is important and that winning is everything. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Many are currently holding the view that youngsters should be instructed
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
importance of
competition
and winning in some parts of the world.
While
I understand
this
trend might benefit children
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
their adult life, I believe the negatives would far outweigh the
positive
Fix the agreement mistake
positives
show examples
. There are several advantages why young people should learn how essential
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition
and winning are.
Firstly
, as victory was set to be the first priority,
this
objective is more likely to push children to the limit and
therefore
they can come up with many creative ideas, which encourage them to outplay their opponents during
competition
Add an article
the competition
show examples
.
As a result
,
this
idea can contribute to boosting their creativity and confidence at the later stage of their life.
Secondly
,
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
amount of achievement the young gain from
competition
Add an article
the competition
show examples
can
also
make way for their brighter future.
For example
, if high school students win a national academic tournament named “Path to Olympia” in Vietnam, they will be immediately offered a full scholarship from
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
20 Australian universities.
However
,
this
trend might be disadvantageous in several ways. The very first and utter reason is that since the mindset is winning
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
all
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
, those who do not achieve high academic performance at school can use any means to win even cheating
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
exams.
This
repeating action would gradually drag youngsters into a dark way and likely turn them into criminals as adults. The second rationale is that if children achieve many awards at a very young age, they might become
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
confidence
Replace the word
confident
show examples
and even
arrogance
Replace the word
arrogant
show examples
, which might lead them to the fact that they will have less motivation to
broad
Replace the word
broaden
show examples
their horizons in the future. The final reason is that leadership and teamwork skills should be taught as crucial as winning. Those abilities will facilitate young people in new working settings requiring cooperation. In conclusion, it is understandable that individuals should be guided wining is necessary in every
competition
.
However
,
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
of
this
trend might be far worse than
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
.
Submitted by ledinhan168 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The essay addresses the question prompt but lacks a clear stance on whether it is a positive or negative development.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally coherent. However, there could be clearer transitions between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate terminology. Some sentences could be rephrased to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range
Overall, the essay exhibits a good command of grammar with only minor errors.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • achievement
  • drive
  • personal growth
  • self-esteem
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • strategic thinking
  • pressure
  • time management
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • burnout
  • teamwork
  • cooperation
  • personal success
  • collaborative efforts
  • rivalry
  • camaraderie
  • unethical behavior
  • cheating
  • integrity
  • moral compass
  • long-term consequences
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: