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Band 5.5

If old people are no longer physically, mentally or financially able to look after themselves, younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #members
Family relationships have been a debate amongst people in society.
While
 I partly understand that there should be an official
law
 adopted that the younger ones forcibly bear the
responsibility
 for taking care of their older family
members
 once they lose their physical, mental or financial capabilities, I strongly believe that
this
responsibility
 should be based on the goodwill of family
members
.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons why authority needs to impose the
law
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the aforementioned issue. The first and foremost reason behind
this
 is that
parents
 have most likely sacrificed their whole
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to nurture
children
 since they were born until they are successful as adults.
As a result
, there should be a
repay
Replace the word
repayment
show examples
 to their older
relatives
 as a way to remind them of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 gratitude. Another reason is that many younger
relatives
 have an improper mindset that they just take it for granted based on
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 in different parts of the world.
For instance
,
parents
 are, by
law
, required to support their infants until
reaching
Wrong verb form
they reach
show examples
 18 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 are not willing
in
Fix the infinitive
to in
show examples
 America.
As a consequence
, those
children
 are likely to neglect their old family
members
 even when they are wealthy at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 later stage of their life.
However
, I believe
this
responsibility
 should be on the basis of the younger relative’s goodwill and willingness not by obeying the regulation. The first rationale stems from the fact that there is already a strong family bond amongst the younger and older family
members
 when
parents
 truly love and know how to educate their
children
 to realize the value of family relationships and become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 society.
Therefore
,
this
 can encourage younger
relatives
 to always remember the hardship that their
parents
 used to endure and
thus
, express their love based on their true willingness towards their
parents
. Another
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
main issue is that there is a likelihood that
children
 may experience failures
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their adult life and cannot afford to look after their old
relatives
.
In addition
 to that, there are recently a number of charity organisations or medical facilities established by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to assist the elderly in finance or free medical services.
Consequently
, it is unnecessary to issue a regulation that forces young
members
 to shoulder the responsibilities
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their senior ones. In conclusion,
while
 I understand old people should be legally taken care of by their
children
, I am on the side
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 those who believe
this
responsibility
 should be willingly taken on by their younger family
members
.
Submitted by ledinhan168 on

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Task achievement
Ensure that you fully address the question prompt and provide a clear stance on the issue. Additionally, include more specific examples to support your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. Use transitions and linking words to improve the flow of your ideas.
Lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases to convey your ideas. Also, try to vary your sentence structures for better lexical resource.
Grammatical range
Pay attention to grammar and sentence construction. Review your essay for errors and make sure your sentences are grammatically correct.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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