IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Are we too dependent on antibiotics? Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#antibiotics
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Antibiotics
Use synonyms
 in human medicine nowadays are one of the most important, indispensable resources in the
treatment
Use synonyms
 of numerous
diseases
Use synonyms
 caused by and have saved an uncountable number of lives since they
have been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 introduced, about a hundred years ago. On the one hand, millions of
antibiotic
Use synonyms
 therapies are being prescripted by doctors all over the world on a daily basis regarding the
treatment
Use synonyms
 of bacterial infections and
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
 have been lifesaving for an outrageous number of humans since they
have been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 discovered by a famous scientist from Austria, about a hundred years ago. Since
then
Linking Words
, they
were
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 used in animals and humans and there is a big discussion
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 they are always needed or
there
Correct word choice
whether there
show examples
 is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overtreatment.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, when it comes to
antibiotic
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 in animals, on animal farms
in particular
Linking Words
, to prevent the spread of
diseases
Use synonyms
 by feeding them
antibiotics
Use synonyms
, may lead to
resistances
Fix the agreement mistake
resistance
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 human
antibiotic
Use synonyms
treatment
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
bacteria
Use synonyms
 changing their genetics
for surviving
Change preposition
to survive
show examples
 the
antibiotic
Use synonyms
treatment
Use synonyms
, therefor should be very strict rules for the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
antibiotics
Use synonyms
 in animals and governments are demanded to invent them.
In addition
Linking Words
, when it comes to human medicine, there are several
diseases
Use synonyms
 caused by
bacteria
Use synonyms
, that are on their way to
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 up more and more
resistances
Fix the agreement mistake
resistance
show examples
 because of the inflationary
usage
Use synonyms
 of
antibiotics
Use synonyms
 which can lead to
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 no
further
Linking Words
 treatments for these
diseases
Use synonyms
 when there are no anti-bacterial-therapies left that are able to eradicate
bacteria
Use synonyms
 which can lead to serious health issues that humanity will have to face in the future. In conclusion, there should international laws for the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
antibiotics
Use synonyms
 to prevent the spread of multi-resistant
bacteria
Use synonyms
 and humanity can still be able to use them when it comes
serious
Change preposition
to serious
show examples
 infections
Submitted by manurishinanda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: