IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Are we too dependent on antibiotics? Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#antibiotics
Antibiotics
 in human medicine nowadays are one of the most important, indispensable resources in the
treatment
 of numerous
diseases
 caused by and have saved an uncountable number of lives since they
have been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 introduced, about a hundred years ago. On the one hand, millions of
antibiotic
 therapies are being prescripted by doctors all over the world on a daily basis regarding the
treatment
 of bacterial infections and
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
 have been lifesaving for an outrageous number of humans since they
have been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 discovered by a famous scientist from Austria, about a hundred years ago. Since
then
, they
were
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 used in animals and humans and there is a big discussion
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 they are always needed or
there
Correct word choice
whether there
show examples
 is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overtreatment.
Nevertheless
, when it comes to
antibiotic
usage
 in animals, on animal farms
in particular
, to prevent the spread of
diseases
 by feeding them
antibiotics
, may lead to
resistances
Fix the agreement mistake
resistance
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 human
antibiotic
treatment
due to
bacteria
 changing their genetics
for surviving
Change preposition
to survive
show examples
 the
antibiotic
treatment
, therefor should be very strict rules for the
usage
 of
antibiotics
 in animals and governments are demanded to invent them.
In addition
, when it comes to human medicine, there are several
diseases
 caused by
bacteria
, that are on their way to
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 up more and more
resistances
Fix the agreement mistake
resistance
show examples
 because of the inflationary
usage
 of
antibiotics
 which can lead to
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 no
further
 treatments for these
diseases
 when there are no anti-bacterial-therapies left that are able to eradicate
bacteria
 which can lead to serious health issues that humanity will have to face in the future. In conclusion, there should international laws for the
usage
 of
antibiotics
 to prevent the spread of multi-resistant
bacteria
 and humanity can still be able to use them when it comes
serious
Change preposition
to serious
show examples
 infections
Submitted by manurishinanda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: