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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts and table give information about the total value and sources of fish impoerted to the US between 1988 annd 2000.

The pie charts and table give information about the total value and sources of fish impoerted to the US between 1988 annd 2000.
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The table and pie charts display the value and country
origin
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of origin
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 of imported
fish
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 in the US. Generally, the amount of imported
fish
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 in
billion
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 dollars had gradually
rose
Wrong verb form
risen
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 between 1988 and 2000, with Canada as the majority contributor of those in 1988, replaced by other countries twelve years later. In the late 1980s, the imported
fish
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was values
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was valued
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$
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at $
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6.57
billion
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, followed by
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
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 increment to $8.52
billion
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 in the early 1990s.
Further
Linking Words
 increase happened in 2000 with
total
Add an article
a total
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 of $10.72
billion
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. In terms of which country exporting
fish
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 to the US, Canada was the major contributor to the
fish
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 stock by 60%,
while
Linking Words
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of
countries
Correct article usage
the countries
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 and
China
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 served at 27% and 13% respectively in 1988. In 1992, the number of imported
fish
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 from
China
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 dramatically declined to 34%,
whereas
Linking Words
China
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's contribution slowly up to two out of five and the dramatic incline of the import was seen from the rest of the country to just under a half. By the early 2000s, the contribution of Canada's exported
fish
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 to the US continued declining to 28%, falling behind
Linking Words
further
Correct article usage
a further
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 increase from
China
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 to 30%. The remaining countries,
in addition
Linking Words
, showed
slight
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a slight
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 decline
of
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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imported
fish
Use synonyms
 by 4%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, billion, china with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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