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Band 3

The top priority of business is making money and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #business #money #responsibilities
Even though a large number of people think the top priority of business is making money
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they do not need to have social responsibilities.
While
 I accept that
this
 perception is somewhat justifiable, I believe that I disagree with that idea. On the one hand, the top priority of employment can be to make money.
This
 is because, presently, produce needs to be of good quality, but it is expensive or they have to import a big output to sell to humans.
For example
, pizza restaurant is the work food. They have to import materials and hire chefs,
waiters
Correct word choice
and waiters
show examples
 to serve the folk Another point worth considering is that they need to have social responsibilities.
As a result
, good quality is very important for businesses that can help customers to use it more safely and securely.
For instance
, if your product is good and safe, customers will trust you and introduce you to other people.
Therefore
, not only popular and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 your products prestige in your country but
also
 around the world.
To sum up
, in my ,opinion the best way is to disagree that they do not need to have social responsibilities and that the top priority of the field is making money. Because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to make
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 qualities for people in social life.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear and concise introduction that addresses the prompt. State your opinion clearly and provide a thesis statement indicating the direction of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with relevant examples and evidence. Ensure that the examples are related to both making money and social responsibilities.
coherence cohesion
Include a concluding paragraph that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
task achievement
Address all aspects of the prompt in a clear and direct manner. Present your arguments and counterarguments effectively.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more explanations and analysis. Provide a stronger justification for your disagreement with the idea that business does not need social responsibilities.
lexical resource
Improve the range of vocabulary used. Use more precise and appropriate words to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Review the usage of verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and word order.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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