IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

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Each year, the amount of
money
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that is
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 spent on the
space
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 program is counted in millions.
However
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, it is said spending that
money
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 on enhancing
life
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 qualities on Earth is more needed. I completely agree with
this
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 view.
First,
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our funding for
space
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 research is rising higher and higher which causes fewer opportunities for those in the world to get educational or food assistance. The casual
space
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 study often costs over 10 million for the researchers, technicians, and infrastructure, with no guarantee of success
therefore
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this
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money
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 is wasted.
While
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; some problems
such
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 as the lack of education in developing countries and the wide range of people who live in poverty, are urgent to solve,
space
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money
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 enables the government to pay less on another issue. Take North Korea as a typical example,
this
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 country has spent millions of dollars investigating
life
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 on Mars, on the opposite side, where thousands of its citizens are alarmingly forced to live in bad conditions.
Secondly
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, another reason is that I consider that the impact of
space
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 studies is likely to damage our environment. Materials for research
such
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 as coal, gas, and other fossil fuels are eliminated every year in millions of tons, and these resources will eventually cause emissions and contaminated water. The level of pollution worldwide, of the land, the air, the ocean, and the air that we breathe is worse. In Japan,
for example
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, an enormous amount of radioactive rays has been released illegally into the ocean, killing aquatic
life
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. In conclusion, I believe that the search for new planets on which to settle should be paid less concern, and efforts should be made to improve
life
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 on Earth.

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coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence, the essay exhibits a clear structure but there are instances where transitions between points and paragraphs could be improved for better flow. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are included, but they could be strengthened. The introduction should more clearly state the argument, and the conclusion should more effectively summarize the key points made within the essay.
coherence cohesion
While the essay supports its main points, the arguments presented could be more fully developed. Providing more elaborate examples and expanding on the reasoning behind your assertions would enhance this.
task achievement
Task response could be improved by providing a more complete answer to the prompt. This includes addressing both sides of the argument before making a clear, reasoned case for your own position.
task achievement
While ideas are clear, there is room for more comprehensive explanation and development of the ideas presented. Strive to discuss the nuances of the topic in greater depth.
task achievement
Specific examples are present, but they could be more effectively utilized to strengthen your argument. Aim to provide detailed, relevant instances that fully illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • scientific discoveries
  • cutting-edge technology
  • pioneering research
  • socio-economic development
  • improved healthcare
  • education
  • poverty alleviation
  • infrastructure
  • balanced approach
  • cost-effective
  • prioritize
  • allocate
  • resources
  • budget
  • investment
  • sustainable development
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