IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, small central shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?

#countries #shops #business #people #drive #stores #cars #access #change
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Road
travel
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 has become one of the most common ways of
travel
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 whether it is to work or to a place of study.I strongly believe as resources have become limited in rural places many people might find it convenient to move to urban places or
travel
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 out of station as it enables better job opportunities and better exposure. On the one hand,it has always been recommended to purchase a
car
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 as it is said that the usage of a
car
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 saves time and effort and it has always been the best form of transportation.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the usage of cars has proven to be a good investment as it helps students to drive to college,in
fact
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fact,
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 gives students a sense of responsibility and elevates their life skills.
Furthermore
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,the
car
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 is
such
Linking Words
 a vehicle that it could be used by all the members of the family
Rephrase
apply
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thus
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,
thus
Linking Words
 reducing cost.A recent survey has shown many students prefer to
travel
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 by
car
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 as it is relatively safe.
For instance
Linking Words
,my friend found a
car
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 to be a more effective mode of transportation to her workplace as it saves her,her average cost.
On the other hand
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,
car
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travel
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 could have a negative effect towards the environment as it may cause pollution and be adverse to climate change.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, many people prefer to
travel
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 by bus as it is affordable and can hassle away the traffic.On a positive note,limited cars could give a chance for small central shops to grow and earn better.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
car
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travel
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 has always been
abetter
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a better
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 choice for
travel
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 as it may be safe and can be effective for pupils to
travel
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 to universities.
However
Linking Words
,many residents believe that public
travel
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 has always been
a
Change the article
an
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 excellent choice to choose as it may be cheap and could eliminate traffic.
Submitted by rehanaafeesrs on

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coherence cohesion
It is essential to improve the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas to enhance overall coherence. Try to use linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points and arguments are fully supported with relevant and specific examples. This can strengthen your task response and provide a more comprehensive discussion.
general
Be mindful of grammatical errors and sentence structure to improve clarity and readability. Practicing varied sentence structures can help in achieving this.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the overall readability.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, making the response feel complete.
task achievement
The essay generally addresses the task and provides relevant points about the advantages and disadvantages of car travel.
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