IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?

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There is a dramatic growth in working
hours
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 in rival cities.
People
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 are forced to work extra
hours
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, which results in reduced living standards. Some nations have implemented a law to restrict long working
hours
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.
This
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 essay will reveal the reason why the rule is required and what advantages are to the development.
To begin
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 with, long working
hours
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 can cause mental problems. When
people
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 undergo long periods of working
time
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, reduced leisure moments can disallow workers from relaxing to improve their mental
health
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.
For instance
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, many studies showed that excessive working
hours
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 are one of the sources of depression and anxiety disorder.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who work overtime may treat their physical
health
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 unhealthily. The lack of sports activities can give a chance for heart disease, and obesity.
According to
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 universities,
people
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 who have insufficient exercise are likely to suffer from heart disease.
In addition
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, I believe that a rule set-up can bring a sort of advantage to personal
health
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 problems. In terms of public
health
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 sectors, the number of
people
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 suffering from mental disease can be reduced if
people
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 have more
time
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 to relax. Having
time
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 to relax helps
people
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 to release stress and
also
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 motivates
people
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 to work harder.
Additionally
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, reducing working
hours
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 can create a pressure-free working environment. Limiting working
time
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 can help staff to reduce overload and burnout. Prohibiting long working
hours
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 has numerous benefits to our society.
To sum up
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, excessive working
hours
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 have a certain drawback for workers. Implementing the rule can enhance worker's living standards and
health
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 conditions.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples and evidence to support your points. While the essay does mention studies and universities, specifics would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Aim for more coherence in transitions between your points in paragraphs. Improve the flow from one idea to the next to strengthen logical structure.
task achievement
Expand your reasons for and against the laws limiting working hours more comprehensively. Discuss both sides in detail before concluding your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly introduces the topic of working hours and provides a conclusion that summarizes the points discussed.
task achievement
You've addressed both the reasons for introducing laws limiting working hours and the potential benefits of these being put into practice, showing balance.
task achievement
The essay discusses relevant issues such as mental and physical health, contributing to the argument about the effects of long working hours.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Burnout
  • 2. Work-life balance
  • 3. Productivity
  • 4. Diminishing returns
  • 5. Ethical responsibility
  • 6. Exploitation
  • 7. Fair labor practices
  • 8. Chronic illnesses
  • 9. Job creation
  • 10. Unemployment rates
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