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Writing Samples /
Band 8

The government should pay for the course fees for everyone who wants to study at the university. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #course #fees #study #university
Many contend that the
government
 should make university
education
 free for everyone. I vehemently agree with
such
 a statement.
This
 essay will examine my views and justify the proposed stance. To commence, a plethora of factors contribute to why the
government
 should pay college fees for its residents.
Firstly
, scholarships for degree programs will dramatically enhance human capital quality, as
education
 is indispensable for people’s growth.
Therefore
, those brilliant university graduates can provide their extensive knowledge and abilities
as well as
 perform their best contribution to the country, bolstering and supporting the country's development objectives.
Additionally
, another paramount reason is that the
government
 funds for
education
 can help individuals with economic hardship gain the opportunity to study at the university level.
Consequently
,
this
 will result in equal access to
education
 among residents, removing a tremendous disparity in academic standards between the rich and marginal people.
Conversely
, despite the importance of giving incentives for educational purposes, those who disagree with the statement have their own justifications. Proponents of
this
 viewpoint argue that there are other pivotal sectors which require authorities’ money.
For instance
, public officials can allocate funds to construct robust public transit systems or invent cutting-edge technologies.
However
, how can policymakers create efficient public transportation or discover advanced technologies if the human resource quality is low?
Thus
, the
government
 has to prioritize educational investment in order to boost the individuals’ capabilities before deciding to support other areas, as improving the quality of
education
 can lead to myriad advantages. To encapsulate, I firmly agree that implementing no-cost higher
education
 is instrumental, as it can substantially elevate workforce proficiency and ensure fair educational opportunities for all citizens. Through these efforts, I believe that the
government
 can pave the way towards a prosperous nation.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

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Task Achievement
While the essay provides a clear stance and offers compelling arguments, consider integrating specific examples or statistics to further substantiate the points. Real-world examples can enhance the persuasive power of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain clarity and conciseness when transitioning between ideas. Although your transitions are generally clear, a few sections could benefit from smoother connections to enhance the flow.
Task Achievement
A clear and well-defined stance is presented in the introduction and consistently upheld throughout the essay. This consistency strengthens the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-organized with logical progression, from introduction to thorough argument development and a strong conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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