Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements. Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Fame is often thought to be the bane of
a
Remove the article
apply
society
as more people
see no need in doing
anything more.Most Change preposition
to do
people
believe that people
who are renowned for their wealth and splendour,not positive influences are bad role models for the newer generation
.In this
essay, I would
explain why I completely agree that Wrong verb form
will
this
is indeed true.
The need for hardwork
might be overlooked by the youths.More celebrities are choosing to showcase what sells Correct your spelling
hard work
that is
,glamour and leave out the bits and pieces to
their success stories and the struggles that have made them who they are. Change preposition
of
Such
can be misleading to the younger generation
as they gradually embrace the fast way out to everything and ignore the ideas of dilligence
. More Correct your spelling
diligence
people
want to be like Kim kardashian
not because she has done anything of impact Change the capitalization
Kardashian
to
Change preposition
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
or influenced anyone in particular
, but because she sells the good life to them. In summary, children only acknowledge that success has a shortcut.
In addition
,it is believed that possession of wealth and popularity can serve as inspiration to many people
. An average person wants to live an extraordinary life and the wealthy and famous population can infact
be the only source of motivation Correct your spelling
in fact
to
many who have lost hope. A Change preposition
for
society
deprived of such
motivating
population might be a hopeless one. As much as some presidents have achieved none of them can boast of being inspirational Correct article usage
a motivating
whereas
Kylie Jenner inspires and influences more youths that
she agrees to admit again. Correct word choice
than
Nonetheless
, influencers are famous because they influence not because they have numerous achievements.
Moreover
, I completely agree that generation
Z are put under unnecessitated pressure. Since the the rave of influencing, the lavish lifestyle of the most popular Capitalize word
Generation
people
in the
Correct article usage
apply
society
, a lot of young adults fall into the
mental illnesses. It is even a trend to live fake lifestyles to fit into the standards that have been set by stars. More therapists are reporting cases of depression among teenagers Correct article usage
apply
due to
lack
of contentment in their life, more of these are attributed to the undue desire to live like an artist. If we are not careful, more youths Correct article usage
a lack
would
fall into depression.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
will
this
essay has highlighted the points that even though celebrities motivate and inspire, I absolutely agree they still render the younger generation
lazy and hopeless.Submitted by annodunowo on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks clarity and coherence. It is important to clearly state your position and outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will strengthen the overall quality of your essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource of your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and use a variety of sentence types to improve the grammatical range of your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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