Children today spend too much time playing on screens and not enough time doing physical activity. We need to get rid of our children’s devices to avoid severe strains on our health system in the future. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

These days there are a lot of children who become obese
due to
a lack of
moving
Replace the word
movement
show examples
that is
caused by playing gadgets for a long time. There is a statement on the need to prohibit the younger generation from engaging in electronic
devices
in order to get a healthier lifestyle. I personally do not completely agree with
this
statement as in
this
era no gadget will cause them to get isolated. Nowadays, the majority of schools require their students to have their own computers or laptops as most homework or subject materials will be posted online.
This
practice become a normal thing as the development of technology is at a fast pace.
For example
, these days numerous International schools are having quizzes on websites like Kahoots rather than paper-based.
This
shows how important for students to have their own
devices
.
Moreover
, Gadget can
also
help them to obtain information which can be beneficial for their study.
For example
, Websites like Google or Wikipedia can help them to understand their material better as it will provide concise information to read. Socializing is
also
one of the crucial factors for the youngers' development. Not only they are able to communicate with their peers online using technological
devices
, but it
also
can help them to join an international community that can boost their career portfolio in the future.
For example
, these younger people can do research on what organizations are interesting and might help them to improve themselves through their
devices
.
Thus
, it might be better for them to still have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
access to their gadget but maybe parents can be more strict in terms of the hours of screening.
To conclude
, I personally do not fully agree with the statement that
devices
should be kept from children as it will not only their education but
also
their social life.
Submitted by lavenia34808 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a more balanced view by acknowledging the potential negative effects of excessive screen time on children's health
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear thesis statement in the introduction
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Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the essay
grammatical range
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure

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