Children today spend too much time playing on screens and not enough time doing physical activity. We need to get rid of our children’s devices to avoid severe strains on our health system in the future. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #time #screens #activity #children’s #devices #strains #health #system #future

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These days there are a lot of children who become obese

due to

Linking Words

a lack of

moving

Replace the word

movement

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that is

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caused by playing gadgets for a long time. There is a statement on the need to prohibit the younger generation from engaging in electronic

devices

Use synonyms

in order to get a healthier lifestyle. I personally do not completely agree with

this

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statement as in

this

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era no gadget will cause them to get isolated. Nowadays, the majority of schools require their students to have their own computers or laptops as most homework or subject materials will be posted online.

This

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practice become a normal thing as the development of technology is at a fast pace.

For example

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, these days numerous International schools are having quizzes on websites like Kahoots rather than paper-based.

This

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shows how important for students to have their own

devices

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Moreover

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, Gadget can

also

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help them to obtain information which can be beneficial for their study.

For example

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, Websites like Google or Wikipedia can help them to understand their material better as it will provide concise information to read. Socializing is

also

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one of the crucial factors for the youngers' development. Not only they are able to communicate with their peers online using technological

devices

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, but it

also

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can help them to join an international community that can boost their career portfolio in the future.

For example

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, these younger people can do research on what organizations are interesting and might help them to improve themselves through their

devices

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Thus

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, it might be better for them to still have

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apply

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access to their gadget but maybe parents can be more strict in terms of the hours of screening.

To conclude

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, I personally do not fully agree with the statement that

devices

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should be kept from children as it will not only their education but

also

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their social life.

Submitted by lavenia34808 on Tue Oct 31 2023

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coherence cohesion

Provide a more balanced view by acknowledging the potential negative effects of excessive screen time on children's health

coherence cohesion

Make sure to have a clear thesis statement in the introduction

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the essay

grammatical range

Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Children today spend too much time playing on screens and not enough time doing physical activity. We need to get rid of our children’s devices to avoid severe strains on our health system in the future. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some people think that the computers will be more intelligent than humans. Others are worried about the negative consequences of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment. Only governments and large companies can make a difference. What extent do you agree or disagree?