Children today spend too much time playing on screens and not enough time doing physical activity. We need to get rid of our children’s devices to avoid severe strains on our health system in the future. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #time #screens #activity #children’s #devices #strains #health #system #future

These days there are a lot of children who become obese

due to

a lack of

moving

Replace the word

movement

show examples

that is

caused by playing gadgets for a long time. There is a statement on the need to prohibit the younger generation from engaging in electronic

devices

in order to get a healthier lifestyle. I personally do not completely agree with

this

statement as in

this

era no gadget will cause them to get isolated. Nowadays, the majority of schools require their students to have their own computers or laptops as most homework or subject materials will be posted online.

This

practice become a normal thing as the development of technology is at a fast pace.

For example

, these days numerous International schools are having quizzes on websites like Kahoots rather than paper-based.

This

shows how important for students to have their own

devices

Moreover

, Gadget can

also

help them to obtain information which can be beneficial for their study.

For example

, Websites like Google or Wikipedia can help them to understand their material better as it will provide concise information to read. Socializing is

also

one of the crucial factors for the youngers' development. Not only they are able to communicate with their peers online using technological

devices

, but it

also

can help them to join an international community that can boost their career portfolio in the future.

For example

, these younger people can do research on what organizations are interesting and might help them to improve themselves through their

devices

Thus

, it might be better for them to still have

Remove the article

apply

show examples

access to their gadget but maybe parents can be more strict in terms of the hours of screening.

To conclude

, I personally do not fully agree with the statement that

devices

should be kept from children as it will not only their education but

also

their social life.

Submitted by lavenia34808 on Tue Oct 31 2023

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coherence cohesion

Provide a more balanced view by acknowledging the potential negative effects of excessive screen time on children's health

coherence cohesion

Make sure to have a clear thesis statement in the introduction

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the essay

grammatical range

Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

308 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children today spend too much time playing on screens and not enough time doing physical activity. We need to get rid of our children’s devices to avoid severe strains on our health system in the future. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

some countries encourage foreign companies to open in their country. many people think that government should focus on encouraging local businesses rather than foreign businesses. To what extent do you agree?

In the past, many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

With a growing work population one of the most pressing issues is that of feeding such a larger number of people. some people think that GM foods offer a viable solution to this problem. To what extent do you agree or siagree?