IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many people welcome the opening of shopping areas near their homes. On the other hand , some people are strongly opposed to the construction of such facilities. If the opening of a large shopping centre in your neighbourhood were announced, would you support or oppose its construction? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer

There is an ongoing debate about whether the
development
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 of shopping malls near residential areas is beneficial.
While
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 some people highlight the potential economic and lifestyle advantages, others argue that
such
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 developments may bring long-term negative consequences. Personally, I support the construction of shopping centres in residential areas, but I am opposed to uncontrolled or excessive
development
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. One primary reason to support
this
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development
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 is its positive impact on the local economy. The establishment of malls can boost the sales of local products by providing a centralized and convenient shopping experience.
Moreover
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,
this
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 kind of commercial growth often acts as a catalyst for broader infrastructural improvements, including the construction of hospitals, schools, and highways. Together, these developments can lead to short-term economic growth and improved quality of life for nearby residents.
However
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, it is important to acknowledge the potential long-term drawbacks. Over time, increased human traffic may result in severe overcrowding,
along with
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 environmental degradation in the form of air and land pollution.
Additionally
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, the rising population density and demand for housing could lead to inflated property prices, making the area less affordable for long-term residents. Another concern is the loss of natural spaces and the gradual decline in the
overall
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 quality of life, as urban expansion disrupts the environmental balance. In conclusion,
while
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 the construction of shopping malls can bring substantial economic benefits, these advantages must be weighed carefully against potential social and environmental consequences. Sustainable planning and regulation are essential to ensure that
development
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 enhances the region without compromising the well-being of its residents.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively presents your position clearly and addresses both sides of the debate, which illustrates a good understanding of the topic. However, consider developing your main points further with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is strong, with a clear introduction, appropriate paragraphing, and a logical flow of ideas. To enhance coherence, you can use more linking words and phrases to explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
You express some insightful ideas regarding the economic benefits and potential drawbacks of shopping centers. Aim to delve deeper into each point to illustrate your arguments better and to provide more substantial support for your conclusions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which contributes significantly to its readability.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of shopping centers in residential areas, demonstrating critical thinking and awareness of multiple perspectives.
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