Many people believe social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree/disagree?
Social networking
sites
has
been widely used and followed by everyone Change the verb form
have
though
it be a kid, youngster or Correct word choice
whether
old aged
professional. Social Add a hyphen
old-aged
media
has become part of our everyday routine. where it is often argued that social media
usage
has its positive aspect
in terms of increasing opportunities Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
as well as
a
source of entertainment. Add a missing verb
being a
But
I believe that both Correct word choice
However
individuals
as well as
society are badly affected by the usage
of social media
platforms.
Firstly
, the usage
of social networking sites
is a complete waste of time and efforts
. Fix the agreement mistake
effort
In other words
, it has grabbed us badly in our everyday lives as individuals
use Facebook for countless hours without any purpose but the watching of videos and continuous scrolling has not only negatively shifted their focus from work/ studies but also
badly manipulated the society norms and values. For example
, in a recent research of developing countries
it is evident that students waste 70% of their free time on Add a comma
countries,
usage
of social media
sites
instead
of focusing on productive activities
.
In addition
to this
, increasing usage
of Facebook has led people to be involved in unethical and criminal activities
such
as robbery, snatching
of other belongings since these negative videos and Correct word choice
and snatching
activities
are being watched by people which trigger
Correct subject-verb agreement
triggers
individuals
to act the same in their life. For instance
, many young individuals
in Asian countries left their job
and started earning the Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
live hood
through house robbery and street snatching.
All in all, social networking Fix the agreement mistake
livelihood
sites
has
immensely Change the verb form
have
grasp
us since it is considered a waste of time and Change the verb form
grasped
efforts
and Fix the agreement mistake
effort
also
increasing usage
of social media
platforms will influence the
illegal Correct article usage
apply
activities
.Submitted by ieltsexpert185 on
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Task Response
Your essay does not fully address the task. You should clearly state whether you agree, disagree, or have a balanced opinion on the impact of social networking sites. Your ideas should be more comprehensive and well-developed.
Coherence & Cohesion
There is some logical structure in your essay, but it could be improved. Try to organize your ideas more clearly and use appropriate transitions between paragraphs and sentences to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Lexical Resource
Your use of vocabulary is limited and repetitive. Try to use a wider range of vocabulary words and phrases to make your essay more engaging and precise.
Grammatical Range
There are some grammatical errors throughout your essay. Work on improving your sentence structure and grammar to enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.