IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #attention
Some people think that products are often bought based on the influence and impact of advertisement
while
 others believe that advertising don’t play any role in
purchase
decision
 as it is very casual. I strongly agree that advertising doesn’t affect
over buying
Add a hyphen
over-buying
show examples
 decisions. On one hand, advertising doesn’t affect the
purchase
decision
 as buying
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is immensely influenced by the price, attributes and
features
 of a good or service.
In other words
, purchasing the
product
 involves carefully analyzing
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different variants of
product
Correct article usage
the product
show examples
 and service.
For example
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
German research indicates that 60% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumer doesn’t prefer to buy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
product
 if the item
is lacking
Wrong verb form
lacks
show examples
 certain useful attributes in a
product
.
On the other hand
, some people believe that
purchase
decision
 is heavily impacted by the different advertisements that are watched or seen by individuals. It is often evident that our mind catches different advertisements and
purchase
decision
 is sometimes influenced by the likeness of celebrity or endorsement of influential individuals
thus
 ultimately affecting our
purchase
decision
 regardless of budget and other key
features
.
For instance
, in
shikarpur
Change the capitalization
Shikarpur
show examples
 Sindh
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
aged
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people are heavily influenced by the ads of their favorite
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
show examples
instead
 of focusing on other essential
features
. In conclusion, advertising plays a key role in
purchase
decision
 heavily affected by the endorsement of key individuals
while
 others believe
product
features
 and attributes
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 the
decision
 to
purchase
 the
product
.
Submitted by ieltsexpert185 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed and fully discussed.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay in a clear and logical manner, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and vary sentence structures to make the essay more interesting.
grammatical range
Ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and effectively convey your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: