Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements. Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowdays
wealth and Correct the word
Nowadays
glmour
are Correct your spelling
glamour
considering
more Wrong verb form
considered
influencial
than the talents of Correct your spelling
influential
the
celebrities. Correct article usage
apply
while
some people believe that it will give a bad examples
of the following new generation. I completely agree with the view and I will explain my support in Correct the article-noun agreement
a bad example
bad examples
this
essay.
Celebraties
are become more Correct your spelling
Celebrities
influencial
in the social Correct your spelling
influential
media
era. Hollywood celebrities are more famous for their lexury
Correct your spelling
luxurious
life style
and Correct your spelling
lifestyle
maintaining
their beauty, so Change preposition
for maintaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
yougsters
have Correct your spelling
youngsters
Correct article usage
the tendancy
tendancy
to follow them and they are Correct your spelling
tendency
consdering
them as Correct your spelling
considering
the
Correct article usage
apply
successfull
people and taking them as an Correct your spelling
successful
exmaple
.
Correct your spelling
example
For instance
, a famous hollywood
actress who has been criticised for her acting has more followers than Change the capitalization
Hollywood
the
Correct article usage
an
oscar
Capitalize word
Oscar
won
actress who has Verb problem
apply
good
reputation in the industry.
Add an article
a good
Moreover
, the
Correct article usage
apply
teenegers
are living in Correct your spelling
teenagers
the
Correct article usage
a
parellel
world of social Correct your spelling
parallel
media
may giving
them wrong examples. Wrong verb form
give
The social
Correct article usage
Social
media
plateforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
are become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
Add an article
the place
a place
place
to show Fix the agreement mistake
places
the
wealth and glamour. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, the famous pop star using banned drugs are
viral Correct subject-verb agreement
is
in
social Change preposition
on
media
and the
some Remove the article
apply
teenegers
are Correct your spelling
teenagers
influced
by Correct your spelling
influenced
him
and start Correct pronoun usage
them
to
Change preposition
apply
using
those drugs or Wrong verb form
use
atleast
they Correct your spelling
at least
started
to justify the usage of those drugs.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
start
the
celebrities have a great extend Correct article usage
apply
responsibilties
to lead Correct your spelling
responsibility
the
society Correct article usage
apply
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
the
young people to guide Correct article usage
apply
Correct pronoun usage
them in
in
the right path, but Change preposition
on
unfortunately
some of the Add a comma
unfortunately,
celebrites
are giving Correct your spelling
celebrities
wrong
example to Change the article
the wrong
the
society by showing their wealth and glamour rather than their performance and ability.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by ck.manshad on
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task response
You have addressed the topic well and provided relevant arguments to support your viewpoint. However, make sure to develop your ideas further and provide more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your essay reasonably well, but the introduction and conclusion need to be improved. Make sure to clearly state your position and summarise your main points in the conclusion.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally good, but try to vary your word choice and use more advanced vocabulary to enhance your essay. Additionally, pay attention to word forms and collocations.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate, but there are some errors in sentence structure and verb tense consistency. Review the use of articles, verb forms, and tense consistency.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
