IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries, people decide to have children at a later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #people #children #age #development
In
this
 current era, there is no doubt about the fact that having
children
 at a later age has become quite common.
This
 essay will delve into the positive and negative sides of
this
 phenomenon,
as well as
 provide examples and arguments on why I personally believe that the merits overshadow the demerits.
To begin
 with, the reason why
people
 have
children
 later is that there are a lot of upsides. One prime advantage is that
people
 could do better in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. To explain, without
children
,
people
 would decrease
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 pressure from family.
Therefore
, they are more likely to pay more attention to their job and get praise from their managers or colleagues.
In addition
, having a baby later
also
 has positive effects on their
children
. To elaborate,
people
 are able to give support to their kids for their future.
For instance
, when
people
 are young, they can save money and accumulate experience. When their
children
 face some adversity, they can give useful support and suggestions to their kids.
Nevertheless
, everything has pros and cons. Having
children
 later
also
 causes some problems.
In other words
, it is harmful to
people
’s health. That means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is common that
people
’s physical condition is not as good as young.
Thus
, it is not easy for
people
 to recuperate after giving birth.
Furthermore
, there is a huge gap between parents and
children
, which means it makes their relationship bad.
For example
,
children
 could not understand their parents’ opinions. And
then
, they may argue with their parents frequently. In conclusion,
although
 having kids at a later age may cause health and family relationship problems, I still consider that it is
conductive
Correct your spelling
conducive
show examples
 to
people
’s careers and
children
’s future.
Thus
, the
overall
 advantages overshadow
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.
Submitted by 1550018584 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Make sure to fully address all parts of the question prompt and provide a clear and comprehensive analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical and coherent manner, with clear introduction and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied and precise words and expressions throughout the essay.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to the accuracy and complexity of your sentence structures and make sure to avoid repetitive language.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: