Some people believe that the charity organizations should give aid to those in greatest need, wherever they live. Some people believe that the charity organizations should concentrate on helping people who live in own country instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In
this
current era, there is no doubt that doing
charity
has become quite common. Many individuals consider that
charity
organizations are supposed to help
people
who are in greatest need and do not allow for where they are,
while
others consider that it is more essential to help
people
who live in our
country
. I agree with the latter. In
this
essay, I intend to discuss both arguments in detail
,
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apply
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and provide personal options.
To begin
with, there are some reasons why
charity
institutions should sponsor those in greatest need. One prime reason is that they are likely to need patronage more than our
country
.
In other words
, there are a great deal of
people
who struggle to survive. Without
those patronage
Change the determiner
that patronage
those patronages
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, they would not get enough food and water,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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lose their lives.
On the other hand
, some
people
believe that the responsibility of
charity
institutions is to help
people
who live in our
country
. To elaborate, sponsoring our
country
is
conductive
Correct your spelling
conducive
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to social safety. To explain, when we give support to
people
who are in need, and
then
they do not need to rob
others’
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others
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money
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of money
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and objects.
Therefore
, it is likely to decrease the possibility of crime and ensure
people
’s safety.
In addition
, giving support to our
country
is beneficial to national cohesion.
For instance
, when we give aid to our
country
, we will establish a good friendship relationship between the government and citizens. In conclusion,
although
helping
people
who are in greatest need may decline their pain, I still consider that in order to protect social safety and establish
nation
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national
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cohesion, we are supposed to give patronage to our
country
.
Submitted by 1550018584 on

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task response
Your essay addresses both the views given in the prompt and provides a clear opinion. Good job! However, make sure to fully develop your reasons and provide more support for your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is well organized, with clear paragraphs and a progression of ideas. Make sure to use more transitional devices, such as linking words and phrases, to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is adequate, but try to vary your word choices and use more precise and advanced vocabulary to enhance your essay. Additionally, make sure to correctly use collocations and idiomatic expressions to demonstrate your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Overall, your grammatical range is good with only minor errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and the correct use of articles to further improve your grammatical accuracy.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • charity organizations
  • aid
  • greatest need
  • equality
  • fair distribution
  • resources
  • universal value
  • compassion
  • humanitarianism
  • global stability
  • economic growth
  • local needs
  • national unity
  • quality of life
  • social cohesion
  • inequality
  • domestic communities
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