Some people believe that the charity organizations should give aid to those in greatest need, wherever they live. Some people believe that the charity organizations should concentrate on helping people who live in own country instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In
this
current era, there is no doubt that doing charity
has become quite common. Many individuals consider that charity
organizations are supposed to help people
who are in greatest need and do not allow for where they are, while
others consider that it is more essential to help people
who live in our country
. I agree with the latter. In this
essay, I intend to discuss both arguments in detail,
and provide personal options.
Remove the comma
apply
To begin
with, there are some reasons why charity
institutions should sponsor those in greatest need. One prime reason is that they are likely to need patronage more than our country
. In other words
, there are a great deal of people
who struggle to survive. Without those patronage
, they would not get enough food and water, Change the determiner
that patronage
those patronages
even
lose their lives.
Correct word choice
and even
On the other hand
, some people
believe that the responsibility of charity
institutions is to help people
who live in our country
. To elaborate, sponsoring our country
is conductive
to social safety. To explain, when we give support to Correct your spelling
conducive
people
who are in need, and then
they do not need to rob others’
Change noun form
others
money
and objects. Change preposition
of money
Therefore
, it is likely to decrease the possibility of crime and ensure people
’s safety. In addition
, giving support to our country
is beneficial to national cohesion. For instance
, when we give aid to our country
, we will establish a good friendship relationship between the government and citizens.
In conclusion, although
helping people
who are in greatest need may decline their pain, I still consider that in order to protect social safety and establish nation
cohesion, we are supposed to give patronage to our Replace the word
national
country
.Submitted by 1550018584 on
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task response
Your essay addresses both the views given in the prompt and provides a clear opinion. Good job! However, make sure to fully develop your reasons and provide more support for your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is well organized, with clear paragraphs and a progression of ideas. Make sure to use more transitional devices, such as linking words and phrases, to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is adequate, but try to vary your word choices and use more precise and advanced vocabulary to enhance your essay. Additionally, make sure to correctly use collocations and idiomatic expressions to demonstrate your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Overall, your grammatical range is good with only minor errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and the correct use of articles to further improve your grammatical accuracy.