Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

A large number of manufactured food and drink
products
have high
sugar
content which is linked to numerous health issues. The price of sugary
products
should be increased to force consumers to cut down on their
sugar
intake. I agree that if the price of
sugar
-packed
products
became expensive, it would solve the problem
with
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of
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people’s addiction to
sugar
and persuade them to consume less
sugar
. Most
of
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apply
show examples
people overconsume
sugar
-packed
products
because they are cheap.
For instance
, it is common in the USA that many fast-food restaurants offer free refills on sodas. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, customers tend to have two or even three sodas at one meal. If these restaurants require a 15-20% tax on these drinks and stop providing free refills,
majority
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the majority
show examples
probably would not order or refill their drinks.
This
kind of action can be effective in terms of obesity among underprivileged members of the community because most of them consume sugary foods and
beverage
Fix the agreement mistake
beverages
show examples
.
Moreover
, expensive high-
sugar
products
can motivate people to eat healthier.
Since if
Correct word choice
If
show examples
the price of these
products
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
and
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
no longer unaffordable on a daily basis, people may start to buy healthier and affordable foods.
For example
, buying a drink with strawberry
flavor
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flavour
show examples
would cost more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
strawberries themselves, which is not optimal and
also
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
not satisfy a
sugar
craving. In conclusion, many mass-produced foods and drinks contain
sugar
which has been connected to a range of health problems. Making
sugar
-packed
products
costlier to decrease
sugar
intake can be
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
method to use.
Submitted by tyulyubayeva.ayaulym on

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task response
Make sure to address the question completely in each body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more linking words to improve the overall coherence of your essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Work on improving your grammar to avoid errors.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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