IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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A large number of manufactured food and drink
products
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 have high
sugar
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 content which is linked to numerous health issues. The price of sugary
products
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 should be increased to force consumers to cut down on their
sugar
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 intake. I agree that if the price of
sugar
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-packed
products
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 became expensive, it would solve the problem
with
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of
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 people’s addiction to
sugar
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 and persuade them to consume less
sugar
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. Most
of
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apply
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people overconsume
sugar
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-packed
products
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 because they are cheap.
For instance
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, it is common in the USA that many fast-food restaurants offer free refills on sodas. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
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, customers tend to have two or even three sodas at one meal. If these restaurants require a 15-20% tax on these drinks and stop providing free refills,
majority
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the majority
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 probably would not order or refill their drinks.
This
Linking Words
 kind of action can be effective in terms of obesity among underprivileged members of the community because most of them consume sugary foods and
beverage
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beverages
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.
Moreover
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, expensive high-
sugar
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products
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 can motivate people to eat healthier.
Since if
Correct word choice
If
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 the price of these
products
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increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 and
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 no longer unaffordable on a daily basis, people may start to buy healthier and affordable foods.
For example
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, buying a drink with strawberry
flavor
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flavour
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 would cost more
that
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than
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 strawberries themselves, which is not optimal and
also
Linking Words
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not satisfy a
sugar
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 craving. In conclusion, many mass-produced foods and drinks contain
sugar
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 which has been connected to a range of health problems. Making
sugar
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-packed
products
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 costlier to decrease
sugar
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 intake can be
effective
Add an article
an effective
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 method to use.

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task response
Make sure to address the question completely in each body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more linking words to improve the overall coherence of your essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Work on improving your grammar to avoid errors.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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