Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

With the rapid technological advancements, it indeed appears that our younger generation
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
more exposed to technology, especially smartphones.
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
habitual changes have both positive and negative effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
and
this
essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
this
.issue. One positive side
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
phenomenon is it can increase the number of younger generations that
Add a missing verb
are technological
show examples
technological
Change the word
technologically
show examples
savvy.
This
trait is very important to facing the world with
such
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rapid technological advancement.
Moreover
, there will be more career
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
in the future that heavily related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
technology,
such
as AI, programming, IoT, etc, and
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
technological
Change the word
technologically
show examples
savvy
since
Change preposition
at
show examples
earlier age will help them to prepare for those kinds of opportunities if they
are aspired
Change to the active voice
aspire
have aspired
show examples
to have a career on
technological
Add an article
the technological
show examples
sector. On the other side,
this
habit can lead to addiction. Some
children
show
tantrum
Fix the agreement mistake
tantrums
show examples
attitude when they are away from smartphones.
This
can lead to abysmal communication skills between
children
who
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
show examples
to
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
because they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
not taught how to communicate properly with other people.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphone
addiction
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
can lead to several health issues,
such
as visual impairment
due to
their exposed eyes to screen for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time.
Moreover
,
smartphone
screen
also
produces some radiation that
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
can harm our body if we get exposed for a long time. For babies, there are research that
stated
Wrong verb form
states
show examples
baby who get exposed to
smartphone
since their earlier days will have some speaking difficulty. In conclusion, smartphones on kids are having both
positives
Fix the agreement mistake
positive
show examples
and negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
.
Therefore
, it is their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
to make sure their
children
are controlled and use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology, especially
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
for their own development and improvement.
Submitted by zakiyaartanti19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider using more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a logical structure and flows smoothly.
lexical resource
Diversify your word choice and use more advanced vocabulary.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: