Some people state that elderly require more attention from their family, so it is better to let them in retirement home in with their friends who are the same age

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
state that older adults require more attention from their family, so it is better to put them in retirement
homes
Use synonyms
in order to they can gather with their friends who are the same age. Despite
this
Linking Words
, others believe that elderly
people
Use synonyms
should live with their family in one convenient home to increase happiness.
This
Linking Words
essay agrees with the latter statement and will show that, in spite of some concern about Its effect on mental health issues and cultural On one hand, those who focus on putting
people
Use synonyms
aged more than 60 years in the aged home tend to think that it is better to gain their happiness on the grounds that they can join with the same age.
Although
Linking Words
they can be ups and downs, at the same time
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
will lead to many health issues , especially mental health. Take an example, Based on research conducted by WHO, It is an increasing number of elderly
people
Use synonyms
suffering from
depression
Use synonyms
. In 2020, It reached around 20 % of the total number of elderly
people
Use synonyms
in the USA.
This
Linking Words
was occurred
due to
Linking Words
far from family members and their relatives.
As a result
Linking Words
, older adults feel lonely and stressed which impacts
depression
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
depression
Use synonyms
among the elderly can be resolved by making them closer to their family for the rest of their life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, based on a cultural perspective, especially in Indonesia. Indonesian
people
Use synonyms
believe that putting their parents in nursing
homes
Use synonyms
will make them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a small city in Indonesia called Kupang, have a culture, where if someone lets their parents into old
people
Use synonyms
’s
homes
Use synonyms
they will be ostracized by society.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, living with the elderly in the same house as their family members can increase their life expectations and build strong family relationships. For better and for worse, family relationships play a central role in shaping an individual’s well-being across the life course. In conclusion, relocating elderly
people
Use synonyms
to nursing
homes
Use synonyms
is better to increase their happiness, I believe that putting the elderly with their family members will avoid its effect on
depression
Use synonyms
and society's ostracized.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points of the essay.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples and discuss both sides of the argument in more detail.
logical structure
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structures.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: