Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#colleges #students #businesses #school #outweigh

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It is a common belief that pupils are better off starting a

business

from the

school

age

. Even though there are some adverse effects, the positive effects exceed them as they can get used to professional life at a young

age

First,

engaging in trading can be challenging and time-consuming for the young, in turn, it can to distraction from education.

Moreover

, not everybody becomes successful in

this

path

due to

financial risks and uncertainties. So, eventually, they can end up in bankruptcy.

On the other hand

, they would not have good GPAs and be highly educated which would lead to unemployment.

For instance

, my uncle dropped out of

school

and moved to Russia to work in the big market.

Initially

, everything was okay, but afterwards, he could not handle it and came back to Azerbaijan. Now, he possesses neither a

business

not diploma nor a certificate to get a high-paying job.

Nevertheless

, there are a handful of advantages of diving into action from childhood. Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they could survive during dilemmas in the future because they would have real-world experience and practical skills.

Furthermore

, they would get used to living with

entrepreneurial

Correct article usage

an entrepreneurial

show examples

mindset and creativity and in the end they would get financial independence and job opportunities. The ones who step into the real world from an early

age

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

can take care of their family effortlessly because of personal and professional growth. To exemplify, there is one popular Russian boy called Aydincik who sells a lemon from the

age

of 5. Now he is around 16 and has a very big

business

although

he never went to

school

To conclude

, the community is of the opinion that the students should get into

business

before graduation. The benefits that can be obtained from the early

business

is way more than the side effect of ignoring

school

lessons

Submitted by rashad.ahadli on Wed Nov 01 2023

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task response

Ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed in the essay

coherence cohesion

Use transition words and phrases to improve the logical flow of ideas

lexical resource

Expand vocabulary range by using more varied and precise words

grammatical range

Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

encourage
advantages
outweigh
disadvantages
real-world experience
practical skills
entrepreneurial mindset
creativity
financial independence
job opportunities
personal growth
professional growth
lack of focus
academic
financial risks
uncertainties
negative impact
grades
difficulty balancing
responsibilities
overall opinion
conclusion

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Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries around the world, obesity is increasing, especially among children. One solution is to increase the tax on food and drinks which contain large amounts of sugar. How effective is this solution? What other measures would be effective?