IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#colleges #students #businesses #school #outweigh
It is a common belief that pupils are better off starting a
business
 from the
school
age
. Even though there are some adverse effects, the positive effects exceed them as they can get used to professional life at a young
age
.
First,
engaging in trading can be challenging and time-consuming for the young, in turn, it can to distraction from education.
Moreover
, not everybody becomes successful in
this
 path
due to
 financial risks and uncertainties. So, eventually, they can end up in bankruptcy.
On the other hand
, they would not have good GPAs and be highly educated which would lead to unemployment.
For instance
, my uncle dropped out of
school
 and moved to Russia to work in the big market.
Initially
, everything was okay, but afterwards, he could not handle it and came back to Azerbaijan. Now, he possesses neither a
business
 not diploma nor a certificate to get a high-paying job.
Nevertheless
, there are a handful of advantages of diving into action from childhood. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they could survive during dilemmas in the future because they would have real-world experience and practical skills.
Furthermore
, they would get used to living with
entrepreneurial
Correct article usage
an entrepreneurial
show examples
 mindset and creativity and in the end they would get financial independence and job opportunities. The ones who step into the real world from an early
age
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can take care of their family effortlessly because of personal and professional growth. To exemplify, there is one popular Russian boy called Aydincik who sells a lemon from the
age
 of 5. Now he is around 16 and has a very big
business
although
 he never went to
school
.
To conclude
, the community is of the opinion that the students should get into
business
 before graduation. The benefits that can be obtained from the early
business
 is way more than the side effect of ignoring
school
 lessons
Submitted by rashad.ahadli on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed in the essay
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the logical flow of ideas
lexical resource
Expand vocabulary range by using more varied and precise words
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • advantages
  • outweigh
  • disadvantages
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • entrepreneurial mindset
  • creativity
  • financial independence
  • job opportunities
  • personal growth
  • professional growth
  • lack of focus
  • academic
  • financial risks
  • uncertainties
  • negative impact
  • grades
  • difficulty balancing
  • responsibilities
  • overall opinion
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: