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Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

#schools #focus #success #examinations #skills #cookery #woodwork #school #friends
It's argued that schools should pay more attention to
students
' academic success in exams
instead
 of teaching cooking, sewing and crafting
skills
 as they can be acquired from relatives and friends.
This
 essay strongly disagrees with
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 opinion because these
skills
 support a well-rounded education for all
students
 and can contribute to a stable income in the future. It's undeniable that culinary, sewing or wood-making classes make up a well-rounded education for
students
besides
 the traditional academic subjects. In the learning process of these
skills
, pupils can apply knowledge from other classes and take on numerous soft
skills
.
For example
, learning about culinary can help combine a myriad of information from biology into understanding how different food combinations affect our bodies, practice making meal plans and prepare healthy dishes on their own. Another reason for my disagreement is that we're experiencing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rising number of unemployed people
due to
 the Covid-19 pandemic and the global financial crisis.
Therefore
,
students
 who are able to excel in numerous
skills
 can help a student have more diverse career paths and ensure a continuous source of income without depending on a sole job.
For instance
, after being laid off in their 30s, a couple in China recently became an Internet sensation for utilizing their cooking
skills
 to successfully change their positions from software developers to street food merchants. In conclusion,
this
 essay strongly disagrees with the belief that schools should only focus on
students
' academic success
instead
 of teaching them life
skills
such
 as cooking or crafting. The reason is that these subjects add up to a well-rounded education for the
students
 and can ensure them a more stable income in the future.
Submitted by tieuvuphuonghoa on

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Task Response
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt, presenting a well-developed argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are well-connected, but some improvements can be made to enhance coherence.
Lexical Resource
The essay utilizes a wide range of vocabulary and employs it effectively to convey ideas. However, some more varied and precise vocabulary could be used to enhance lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
The essay displays a good command of grammatical structures and a varied use of sentence structures. However, there are occasional errors in punctuation and sentence construction that could be addressed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic success
  • passing examinations
  • cookery
  • dressmaking
  • woodwork
  • learn from family and friends
  • personalized learning environment
  • supportive learning environment
  • well-rounded education
  • school curriculum
  • resources
  • expert guidance
  • enhance creativity
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
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