IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Billions of dollars are being wasted on space research. The money used could be better if used to improving condition on people on earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#billions #dollars #space #research #money #condition #people #earth
In the modern decades, a large quantity of
money
 is spent on researching out of the earth,
whereas
 many individuals think that
money
 should be invested in developing their living conditions on the earth.
This
 essay will strongly agree with
this
 statement and illustrate some main points. It is vital to understand that spending lots of
money
 on
space
 will help you gain more knowledge about the
space
.
Due to
 the fact that
space
 has lots of mysterious things and it might have a planet which has great condition for a human to leave.
As a consequence
, people would find another place to live in. Mars,
for instance
, is a planet which has enough requirements for
life
 to live in.
Therefore
, finding some wealthy source in the outer place is an advisable course of action.
However
, many people believe that we should focus on our living standards. Because
of
Change preposition
apply
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the conditions in some places are very poor and the famine rate is increasing in some countries. In
this
 situation, many people will die because of not having enough food or the qualification of
life
 to live. It must be noted that having great conditions of
life
 will help the country develop. India,
for example
, is an country which have bad condition in lifestyle and need support from the government.
Thus
, it can be seen that spending
money
 on
space
 and quality of
life
 are vital arguments for humans to consider.
Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that focusing on
space
 research is necessary in developing our lives.
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task achievement
Your response does not fully address the task. You argue in favor of investing in space research but do not sufficiently address the idea of using the money to improve conditions on Earth. Make sure to provide a balanced argument and consider both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not clearly connected, and the overall structure of the essay could be improved. Use clear topic sentences and transition words to guide the reader through your arguments.
lexical resource
Your lexical resource is sufficient, but there is room for improvement. Avoid repetition and use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is satisfactory, but there are some errors throughout the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • billions of dollars
  • wasted
  • improving conditions
  • technological advancements
  • inspires
  • motivates
  • contributes
  • understanding of the universe
  • investment
  • indirect benefits
  • priority
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