IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems?

#gap #people #situation #address
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As the world develops, the gap between the two classes in society is increasing because the rich are getting richer
while
 the poor are living in poverty. The hole between the wealthy and the needy and some causes and solutions will be clarified in the following article. The increase in inequality between the poor and the rich in the world is currently a hot topic.
Firstly
, they affect the economic growth.
Secondly
, they impact on security of the people of a country or the whole world. Regarding economic issues, the existence of a large number of unemployed and low-income workers will directly affect domestic businesses,
such
 as local shops or factories...
For example
, If no one has money to buy products, bankruptcy and closure will occur, making workers unemployed. Regarding safety, some people are so indigent they will start committing crimes
such
 as theft and robbery. Social evils will be initiated from here.
Therefore
, in my opinion, the government should expand educational opportunities for all citizens to reduce
this
 gap between the affluent and hard up. The authorities should provide scholarships to help children have the opportunity to continue their education.
In addition
, vocational training is
also
 one of the measures to help children learn about commerce.
In addition
, providing living standards in schools
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 urban slums and poor areas
also
 contributes to children being able to prolong and maintain their education.
To sum up
, to be able to reduce
this
 problem. Some of the solutions mentioned above should be paid attention to and implemented by
politician
Fix the agreement mistake
politicians
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that kids or residents can have a better life.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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task response
Make sure to fully address all parts of the prompt. In this essay, you could have provided more specific examples of how the increasing wealth disparity impacts economic growth and security.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more effectively for better coherence and cohesion. Consider presenting separate paragraphs for each main point and using transition words to connect your ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to make your essay more varied and sophisticated. Try to use more diverse synonyms, phrases, and expressions to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Work on improving your grammatical range and accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structures to make your writing more grammatically sound.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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