IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that new technologies like mobiles kills social interaction . Do you agree or disagree ?

#people #technologies #mobiles #interaction
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an underlying assumption that in the contemporary era up-to-date devices, like smartphones can do harm to the social connection between
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there are not only demerits in using modern gadgets
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 some hidden benefits which I am going to explain
further
Linking Words
. First and foremost, it is a common misconception that cutting-edge smartphones only kill social bonds. It gives chances to
people
Use synonyms
 interact from all over the globe. To exemplify, it is simply impossible for the dearest and nearest
people
Use synonyms
 to keep in touch who have recently moved abroad for different purposes
such
Linking Words
 as studying, working or looking for another life. It seems that 100 years ago letters could not be delivered from Japan to South Africa
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of technological advances.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are social media platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook
Wats up
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
, Instagram and many others which may be helpful when someone has lost, it ought to be the fastest way to beg for help.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,there are some drawbacks which lead to many issues in socialising between
people
Use synonyms
, especially in teenage groups. It seems that
people
Use synonyms
 have been becoming couch potatoes day by day. They are only socialising through phone calls or surfing the Net. Unfortunately, it leads them not only to social problems in real life
due to
Linking Words
 the absence
"face-to-face"
Change preposition
of "face-to-face"
show examples
 contact
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
 to health problems like obesity and high blood pressure. In conclusion, in the modern world, it is absolutely necessary to use state-of-the-art phones to socialise with each other.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the aforementioned
Add a comma
,
show examples
it needs to be balanced and no harm in social life would have been done.
Submitted by roker123456 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all parts of the task prompt are addressed in the essay. Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay to ensure that your ideas flow logically. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more diverse and specific words and phrases. Use academic language to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar. Avoid repetitive words and structures. Use a variety of sentence types.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face communication
  • instant messaging
  • social skills
  • nonverbal cues
  • distractions
  • notifications
  • social media
  • echo chambers
  • diverse perspectives
  • social connectivity
  • online communities
  • transcend
  • social integration
  • remote areas
What to do next:
Look at other essays: