IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
The developed
countries
 frequently spread their financial aid to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
underdeveloped
countries
 without any influence on reducing poverty in these areas. Concerned specialists urge additional support from the aiding
countries
. I strongly agree with the concerns, as advisory and technical assistance from wealthy states can play a significant role in excluding poverty worldwide.
To begin
, allocating a notable amount of
money
 to help the citizens of poor
countries
 without giving any technical support to spend the same in a sustainable way would be of no use in the long run. The
money
 needs to be spent in a way that the
countries
 do not require it anymore.
For example
, the financial budget should be distributed proportionately among basic human needs, with particular attention to education.
This
 is because, with adequate academic qualifications, the state concerned would be prepared to design its own development plan.
Therefore
, the
countries
 that are allocating
money
 to help the citizens of poor
countries
 need to spend a portion of the
money
 on the technological advancement of the
countries
.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed
countries
 should provide widespread advisory assistance to the
countries
 that are not developed.
This
 is primarily because the
countries
 could not improve their economic conditions
due to
 a lack of expertise to consume the
money
 in a more sustainable way.
Therefore
, if the prosperous nations provide some consultation services
along with
 the economic stimulus, the impoverished nations would be able to change their financial status. Instances can be found in Japan, one of the most affluent
countries
 in the world, which frequently offers advisory services with
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
monetary assistance so that economically struggling
countries
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 manage the subsidy effectively. To recapitulate, I strongly agree with the strategy to provide additional help, like technical and consultation services, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial aid to low-income
countries
. It would definitely assist the
countries
 in finding a durable solution to enhance their economic status.
Submitted by a.m.rahat on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Also, provide more supporting evidence and examples for your arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Consider using synonyms and more precise terms to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use appropriate verb tenses consistently. Additionally, vary your sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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