write your personal statement. Why do you want to educate in here?
Personal Statement
I often contemplate
about
the following questions: “Why is Change preposition
apply
education
unequal to students
all over the country?” and “Why is the Korean government not protecting teachers
from the infringement of teaching rights?”
Educators have always been the backbone supporting the development of future leaders and contributing members of society. Growing up, my teachers
were my role models. I was fortunate enough to have teachers
who not only consistently made an effort, but also
truly cared for my own personal growth.
When I had to move to a new school
as a kid, I had a difficult time adjusting to a new environment with no friends. I suffered from depression and I will forever remember one teacher that
took the time to check up on me. She observed what was going on Correct pronoun usage
who
and
helped me get integrated with the Correct word choice
apply
school
community and encourage
other Wrong verb form
encouraged
students
to become my friend
. Fix the agreement mistake
friends
This
inspired me to become the educator I am today. An educator with the principals
of empathy, communication, and dedication to seeing others succeed.
I’ve worked as a primary Correct your spelling
principles
school
teacher in two different schools. One school
was filled with students
who were fully supported by their parents. The other school
was filled with students
who were of lower income and students
with fewer resources. The latter school
students
’ academic competence was also
quite low and they were not good at controlling their feelings. Sometimes they would run out of school
and hit the teachers
when they are
angry. It shocked me how different the environment was for the two public schools. Wrong verb form
were
This
inequality is something I wish to help solve. As I move up in my career, my dream is to pioneer field-oriented policies to enhance the education
landscape in Korea.
As an advocate for diversity, I actively pursued opportunities to expose myself to multicultural environments. I applied to the GTU (Global Teacher’s University) program at my University and was selected as a successful candidate several times. In my sophomore year, I was selected as a trainee at the University of Hawaii at Manoa where I learned not only about the American education
system and methods,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
the rich history of Hawaii. Recognized for my global perspective and networking skills, my professor gave me funding to conduct research on Southeast Asia. As a team, we conducted research on the Singaporean education
system. In my junior year, I conducted research on the diplomatic relationship between Vietnam and Korea. Through my experiences researching and experiencing education
systems across the globe, I want to be able to make recommendations on education
policy through informed decisions from best practices around the world.Submitted by soyuyu9 on
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task response
Overall, your response addresses the task adequately. You provide personal experiences and insights to support your interest in educating and solving educational inequalities. However, be sure to clearly state your intention to educate in the specific institution you are applying to.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure and logical progression of ideas. Your paragraphs are well-developed, and there is a clear introduction and conclusion. However, consider providing stronger topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally appropriate and varied. However, try to incorporate more academic vocabulary and terminology related to education and policy. This will enhance the clarity and precision of your arguments.
grammatical range
Your grammar is mostly accurate, and you demonstrate a good range of sentence structures. However, watch out for occasional errors in subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Proofreading your essay carefully can help you identify and correct such errors.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.