Write your personal statement. Is there a problem.

We
also
live in a society where relationships are delicate between
parents
and teachers.
Parents
expect higher quality
education
and
that is
their right.
However
, in
Korea
, there is a major issue in which
parents
make consistent demands and claim false reports.
This
year, one teacher was reported for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
child abuse because she used a lion character picture for the class.
This
caused her to suicide.
This
was not a one-off case, there were many suicides
due to
the overwhelming demands from
parents
. As educators, we have to suffer as the laws do not protect educators from these situations. In fact, I was almost stabbed by a student
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
had an anger disorder.
However
, I couldn’t do anything
due to
the fear of losing my job if I touched the student.
It is clear that
new policies will need to be adopted and I wish to help write them. I would like to study the Masters of Comparative
Education
at University College London as it brings together a diverse community of researchers who have a common interest in exploring
education
. Within the program, my goal is to research and determine which
education
policies
Korea
should borrow and leverage. I would like to study under Professor Caine Rolleston, as I want to analyse the
education
system of
Korea
by mixing quantitative and qualitative methods. Similar to the “positive deviance” case observed in Vietnam within his research, I want to achieve similar outcomes in
Korea
. In the future, I wish to make an impact with the knowledge and skills I obtain from the
Masters
Change to a genitive case
Master's
Masters'
show examples
education
at UCL. I would love to work in the Republic of Uganda by being selected for the ‘Korean government-sponsored Volunteer Teachers Program’. My long-term goal is to be dispatched to the “Jeonnam
Education
Policy Research Institute” or a similar institute in the world. I want to listen to various opinions from experts,
monitor
Correct word choice
and monitor
show examples
policy, and I would like to propose field-oriented
education
policies using my expertise in Comparative
Education
. By obtaining an
education
at UCL, I hope to make impactful recommendations that will help alleviate some of the challenges faced by
parents
, educators, and governments alike and address
education
inequality and rights.
Submitted by soyuyu9 on

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task response
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt and clearly convey your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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