IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Happiness is often considered difficult to define. Why is this? What factors determine happiness?

#happiness #factors
Happiness
 is a predominant factor for living, and it is a subjective matter,
then
 it can not be measured or defined accurately.
However
, facial expressions and people’s behaviours may be the factors which indicate
happiness
.
This
 essay will discuss both aspects
further
.
Firstly
,
happiness
 is a theory which has more and more definitions from the past to now but it varies
according to
 the prescribers’ views
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is subjective data that has more bias. People experience
happiness
 when they have physical or mental positive changes,
such
 as gifts, new relationships and, enough food and water.
Moreover
,
happiness
 is just like a hedonic treadmill that would fluctuate up and down
according to
 the situation.
As well as
 nobody can measure or give a rate to it. So, every person feels different levels of
happiness
 when compared to others.
Secondly
, most of the time,
happiness
 is expressed to the outside by some factors. Facial changes are the one of best signs for identifying
happiness
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because when people feel happy, their facial features express it directly.
Additionally
, when people are happy, their behaviours may change significantly. Especially, they become calm and quit, or their efficiency will be high.
For instance
, a researcher has shown that behaviour is the main evidence for
happiness
 in his competitive study.
Finally
, our actions and smiles help others to know whether we are suffering or feeling well. In conclusion, there is no one clarification for
happiness
, because it is a difficult task,
while
 some physical changes show others that we have been enjoying well.
Submitted by thiqut on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and provides supporting details.
lexial resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to improve the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and use more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • complex
  • embrace
  • vary
  • definition
  • material possessions
  • achievements
  • personal values
  • relationships
  • self-fulfillment
  • psychological
  • physiological
  • genetics
  • predispositions
  • cultural
  • societal
  • perception
  • pursuit
What to do next:
Look at other essays: